I am Corporate Junkie.: May 2006

May 29, 2006

Long Days

My intuition still never fails me. My last blog was about my anxiety attack and guess what, there is indeed something bad that happened to someone close to me. I actually don't know the details yet but he had a car accident in Italy last Friday... But I am really looking forward that they are okay now...

This has been a long day with a lot of things that seemed to never end. I don't know...

Eeyoric

I don't know how to describe the feeling whenever I get anxiety attacks. I just get all this fidgety and restless without even a single reason why I am feeling this friggin way.

There seems to be a gazillion things to do although I am procrastinating everything to the core because I am not feeling good. My stomach feels weird. It's having its own rumbly-in-my-tummy again. My heart beats like some crazed machine gone out of control and I am having a cold feet. So much for all this. Merde.

Now, what does this mean? Hmm, let me see. Maybe one: my gut feel is doing its rounds again on something that it could not pinpoint... err, yet; two: something is really wrong, dammit or three: my body is playing tricks on me again. I pray it's the last.

I could not move on. I don't know. This feeling is like some shot of mercury in my veins and I am close to blowing off the steam. I want to cry but I promised myself never to cry again over nothing. It is just plain stupid y'know. Scream? I wish I could but no can't do since I am jammed in this ever so corporate cubicle and people might just want to kick my arse off. Crazy!

But I think it is really right to say that I do feel so down... Like y'know EEYORE-down (that rag donkey character in Winnie the Pooh, dear) -- with all the pessimism and bad vibes pouring inside. I don't know. This is manic depression on the loose again.

My River Jordan

I don't claim the Jordan River. I just want to call it mine for the mere fact that I just want to.. Haha.. This is purely some..uhh.. what do you call this *thinking* -- vicarious experience, as being just told to me secondhand by someone who is currently on his own Amazing Race trip from Jordan up to Spain.

"What do you want for a pasalubong?"

"Uhh, water from Jordan River," I said smugly.

"You're not serious..." He smiled as he took a quick puff.

"Why not!?" I shrugged as an evil grin wiped my face.

Well, I am not religious or spiritual or whatsoever. I also am not playing tricks but for some weird reason, I just want that water for myself. I just can't wait! :-)

But alas, I may have it two years after. Hmm... which makes me think... Hmm... ;)

Confessions of a Workaholic

I am making hum-hums inside my head, trying to escape from my little aquamarine cubicle amidst the stack of papers and product samples and hell-whatever-it-is that are currently scrounging for its own space on my own little desk. I try to key in all these words in my desperation to have a little bit of Elysium in my oh-so-hectic schedule. Hah! So much for being a dedicated brand person.

I've never been so actually happy in my life. I mean well, if LIFE = WORK, then sheesh, this is bliss. No, this is with no condescending note or patronizing sarcasm whatsoever... I really am. I wake up 530 in the morning, go to work by 7 and go through all the hullabaloo for the next... err.. 16 hours! Yup you got that right! I go home at around 11, earliest would actually be somewhere around nine in the evening and still there are loads of stuff to do. And take note of this, there is even no friggin OT pay. But boy, I do not complain! It has been a very normal work cycle for me that going home at seven will actually put me in some depressive mode (remember, i have this manic depression, tee-hee!)

Anyway, the confessions... the day starts with, of course, my caffeine kick. Then it proceeds with meetings with Sales, with the Research team, ad agencies and a whole lot more. Then I actually sit by my desk at around, uhh, 3 in the afternoon to do all the necessary memorandums and protocols for my baby *my soon to be launched product* and that goes until sawa. I take about an average of 10 calls a day from suppliers and watchamacallits and of course, there are little nicotine breaks to pump up my air intake (such irony)... And then, when the clock would almost (ALMOST) strike midnight, I go home with a blissfully (another thing, I am a masochist) aching back, a strained eyes and an overloaded brain full of financials and creative inputs jammed in all at the same time.

You see, if there is one thing I learned in my professional life is that you never tire too easily if you are enjoying what you are doing. My life is full of crap if other people would actually take a peek at my sched but to me, it is heaven. Work is what I am composed of and there is no regrets at the things I am doing.

Ho-hum.... I just hope I don't catch the professional burn-out soon.

Anyway, back to work. Ciao!