Falling...

...into my schizo world.

I have this weird urge to write since yesterday. I went home late last night and as I hailed a cab and did some stupid melodramatic looney moments -- this means looking outside the car window with a faraway look and some mellow music on the car stereo -- I just am fading deeper into my thoughts about everything that exists around me.

I tap the keyboard of my PC amidst the half-accomplished to-do list in front of me, some bottles of mock-ups and calculator and keys and pens waiting for me to declare that it is close of business already. It is. I am just procrastinating. Or still waiting for the adrenaline drops to trickle in my veins so that I would have the strength to scrap at least, one bullet in my listed tasks. But I can't. My brain is like, squirming for air already.

Anyway, I don't like to talk about work tonight. I want to talk about life. Or love. Or postcards. I don't know. It's like there are so many trails of thought that beg to be written but I can't grab one tail to befit everything into its place. So I better just let go of some bullets to give justice to each bigger iceberg inside my brain.

• Life - I learned that you can trust nobody at all. People always seem to be swayed by ulterior motives -- selfishness, own crappy interests. On the other hand, I also learned from a page in a newspaper (which is actually a realization of someone else), that laughing will always be the best remedy for everything. I am stuffed with goddarn piles of shit but the laughter that my friends and colleagues give me is overwhelming and it keeps me going until another day in the woods (so to speak).
• Work - And when I just mentioned that I won't talk about work. Hehe. Blah! I was reading Dilbert's Principles last night and there is one thing that struck me -- a lot of undertones are hidden in your officemate's sentences (Statement: Our product is premium; Real Meaning: Our product is overpriced).
• Love - Nothing can compare to a smile and laughter that you cause someone especially if this person does not always smile or laugh.
• Postcards - I feel for other people's angst, plight, thoughts and everything. Visit postsecret.blogspot.com. You'll get hooked.

That's just about it. My mind is slowly degenerating and I don't think I still have the same "talent" that I have for writing before. So... here it ends.

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About a Boy

He smokes. He drinks. He plays poker. He has lots of girls (and gays, hehe) swooning over him - lot of competition, eh! He is the most mataray and sungit person I've ever known.

He gives me flowers. He cooks for me. He plays Soduko with me. He fetches me when I stay late in the office. He listens to me. He always gives in to all my tantrums. He is the sweetest person I have ever known.

Life has its own ironies. It also threw the dice on me.

I am probably the most difficult person to deal with. I have tantrums. I am mataray. I am masungit. I smoke. I drink. I learned to play poker. But there was this one boy who has exactly the same qualities that made me stop on my tracks and hold my strings tight that I almost, voluntarily just give in. I have wanted this for so long. Someone who has the guts to CONTROL me. To dominate me.

I am a crazy person. He always says that I am a lunatic. In fact, I am. But he said that it is a challenge. Har har. A lot of them back out before because of this same personality of mine. I always tend to dominate the relationship, gear it to the way that I want and always getting away with it. Now, I can't easily do that. But it fits me. Because maybe this is really what I need -- someone who would not be intimidated to cut me slack of my lunacies. I am so in love with my boy.

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