Feels Like Home

I walk at the corridors of my old office back in URC and a feeling of nostalgia washes over me. Here I am again... finally. An overwhelming feeling pours over me - there were actually no room for regrets even if I have searched for some.

I entered the office and I knew that this is indeed where I belong... I look at all the good nooks of the area and all I see are budget appropriation forms, promotional workplans, marketing plans.. ahh.. this is my WORLD. I am finally home.

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Doomsday and I AM ECSTATIC!

My blogging days are so like OVER!

Finally, after a so-so 100 agonizing days, I am on the top of the my arse again. I am back on my marketing tracks. Wip-pee!

I feel so elated that after a lot of fickle-minded, brow-arching consultations that I have with the rest of the management trainees about my offer for absorption back in URC Beverage, I've finally closed that chapter and will move on. I am so excited to start doing marketing plans and advertising briefs again -- there are just so many things that I want to do and perhaps, this has been the best move to pursue my professional prefences.

At some point, I also feel teeny weeny sad that I'd be leaving friends behind but as I said before, their worlds would continue to revolve even if I am out of the picture. And sad that my blogging days will be doomed. Aackk! Busy days lay ahead but heck! -- this is what I have wanted anyway, haven't I? Workaholism right down to its core. Heaven! >:)

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Sleep

...my...mind...is...malfunctioning...

I wish I could know the secret to sleeping with eyes wide open.

Sheesh... I am so sleepy. My eyelids are like heavy tea bags soaked in water. I was giving this big kadiri yawn every other minute, my eyes are already misty and my body wants to lie down.. Aacck.. Send me home please! Let there be.. uh... a coup d'etat... naah.. maybe a storm or a... or a... (fine! I'll stop!)

I looked at the wall clock and thought that I was hallucinating to see that it was already 4 o'clock. And yes, you bet -- I did have hallucination -- it is just 1: 20.. waah... what's happening to me... This is so not good.

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My Rantantations (leave the term alone!)

My mind is drifting off again... which is not unusual especially when I am here in my demented desolate place at the fourth floor of the new building of the Digitel office. I have several green pile in front of me -- the green folder that contains my resignation letter, C2 Green Tea Plain in 355 mL, and Piattos Sour Cream and Onion in green packaging. Anyways, enough of that.

For several months now I have been in a professional limbo. My colleagues at work may have wanted to smash their heads when they hear my absorption queries. It has surely taken its toll. But now, here I am -- sharing this blog to the rest of the world... an anonymous someone who is just, y'know, plainly ranting.

I think of the things that would make me stay -- I have been thinking about it for months actually -- but as time passes, I get little and little "attachment" strings. I wanted to stay because of friends but I realized, if they are really true peers, no matter where I go, they will always be there for me.

Yep... on another note, something really struck me yesterday when one of my flatmates (hah! flat! so British!) told me to be careful because I can never really know who my friends are. And it just bothered me a lot. Well, I am the kind who trust people easily -- basically on pure animalistic instinct but having heard those words felt creepy. What if the people I tell my rubbish do not actually like me? Y'know... what if I had this schizophrenic illusion that we are actually better friends but actually, he/she does not even consider me close to being a good friend? And then he/she blurbs it out to every one? AACCK!!

Nothing is permanent... nothing... nothing...

I am moving on to another unchartered territory in my life -- leaving (at some point) a lot of people behind. 

But I pretty much think that there would be nothing in their worlds that would change if ever I am here or not. 

At all its cost, it would not and does not matter.

So why the hell would I care?

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Can't Let Go

I watched Vanilla Sky yesterday with Pau (my housemate that looked like Uma, hehe)… One of those boring Sunday afternoons. It drove me crazy. I like it and I don’t. I like it because it was a lunatic, schizophrenic movie – something that interests me. I don’t like it because it makes you think and the conclusions you draw in your mind are just plainly depressing. Aargghh…

These are the things only lunatics could understand.

• “I’ll tell you in another life – when we are both cats.” -- Don't you just hate it when everything goes hanging and poof! -- this quote comes! What the...!? Noone ever proved reincarnation! Why just tell it to me now? Why tomorrow, why in another life? Because what you'll say might hurt me? Aww, gimme a break... yeah yeah, I know I am ranting. I just might hate this movie when I am already a cat... in another life. But as of the moment, I share its melodrama... Sigh!

• "I think she's the saddest girl to hold a martini." -- Well what do you want? I hold a Baileys or Mr. Johnnny Walker? I AM NOT SAD so quit it! *one fat tear coming up*

• "Do you remember what you told me once? That every passing minute is a another chance to turn it all around." -- Yes, like sixty seconds may just have to repair all the stupidities I've done.. You say it so perfectly, you !&*(@#^!!

• "Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour, and I know the sour." -- Sounds familiar. I remember someone telling me, "How would you appreciate perfection without mistakes?" which of course, sliced my idiot brain again. Am I supposed to make mistakes? That's just like dooming my perfection.. Aacckk!!!

• "My dreams are a cruel joke. They taunt me. Even in my dreams I'm an idiot... who knows he's about to wake up to reality. If I could only avoid sleep. But I can't. I try to tell myself what to dream. I try to dream that I am flying. Something free. It never works... " -- Dreams can turn out to be nightmares. Once again this bubble thought of a conversation: You can be everyone's dream. And yet, may be their nightmare too.. -- which gives me the idea... yes, maybe I am. Damn me.

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Vanilla Sky

I have a story to tell - 

On a humid Sunday noon, Akira woke up and felt an overwhelming bumness. She turned on the video player and inserted a movie. Pathetic as she was, this would be the first time that she will be watching Vanilla Sky when the flick was released years ago. Akira relished the mind-boggling movie for almost two hours. As the movie came to end, several big stones were crashing on her heart. Akira never felt so damn depressed for the first time in how many years. The ending? She cried.

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Sequels of Nostalgia - Part III

Things I miss back home:

Places:

1. Tawhay - this is a "shack" (as in literally) where most of my barkadas make tambay. It is very sunoy "rugged and craggy" -- What I love about this place is the "homemade" food. They specialize in chili pork (goodness, heaven! I ate two and a half rice every time I order sizzling chili pork) and liempo. This is also the place for lazy afternoon -- just order pancit canton and coffee/Coke and voila! Solved!
2. 21 Bar & Resto - I have heard that they already renovated the place to be a pure resto but this bar has so many memories (I remember one of my best friends crying when we jammed one time. Killer song: Caribbean Blue) This is where all genre of jammin meets: acoustic love songs, chill-out, reggae, house music, hiphop, everything!
3. The mountains and the beaches: Patag, Buenos Aires, Guintubdan, Calatrava, Canonoy, Lakawon... waahh!!!
4. Robinson's Mall - Pathetic?! Na-ah. This is the only decent mall in Bacolod where literally everybody goes. If you want to goad an enemy (warfreak!), go there. If you wanna see your crush on a Saturday, this is the place to go. Just be sure to come a little after 5 pm. This is the time the stampede starts.
5. La Salle Coliseum Lobby - Haha.. It was funny when one of my guy buds told me and my girl_friends that if there are stockholders of the coliseum lobby, that would be us. Well, we are there since our first year. It has become a meeting place, a crying corner, an ogling haven... simply the best!
6. Carla's house - Sleepovers? Lunch? Merienda? Problems? Where is the place to be? Carla's house. Stone's throw away from school, this will always be our comfort zone - lots of food, hehe, very nice people, TV, internet... and where reggae music is at its core (Kuya Pao -- her bro-- is the guitarist of Bacolod's local reggae band, the Wicked Tarsiers!) PERFECT!
7. My home = Sleep, PC games, eat and sleep. Need I say more?

Food:

1. If you read number 1, then you'll know its CHILI PORK!!!
2. Piaya... they were everywhere. Ube Piaya and Regular Piaya, coming up!
3. Chez Andre's pizza.. you'll forget your name, really! (0-o)
4. Carla's cooked and sumptous gourmets
5. Mom's ginataan.. waah...
6. Bob's steak and roast pork.. ahh...
7. authentic Bacolod Chicken Inasal

Activities:

1. Bumming, bumming, bumming! Bacolod is the place to be when you want to BUM!
2. Wallclimbing - I really want to pursue climbing here unfortunately I don't trust just anyone in belaying me... Hehe... And I can't seem to find a homey wall (is there such a thing as a homey wall?)
3. Malling - it is stress-free! On certain occasions though, you'll also blow your steam (hint: if your enemy's trailing behind you, hehe)
4. Trekking.. lots of mountains to climb...
5. Boardwork.. huhu...
6. Reggae and ska jammin..
7. Biking - I haven't brought my mountain bike. So all is doomed.

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Sequels of Nostalgia Part II

I walked at the sidewalks towards the station. There were several students at the gate, smoking (in Bacolod, when you smoke, you are either a slut, an addict or some you-don't-wanna-know), waiting for their boy/girlfriends, eating Piaya and so on. I passed by the computer shop to check if some of my barkadas were there but it seemed deserted save from the bunch of hi-school brats who escaped from class.

I went up FET Building and climbed three flights of stairs before I arrived at the second door on the left wing. A small signage barricaded the door - Jamie@102.3, NBC Bacolod.

I entered the door and greeted Nong Carmelo who was at the recording room, cleaning the equipments. When I entered the DJ booth, I saw Trigger Manson tinkering with the console. He was already playing his last song -- The Scientist by Coldplay.

"Ei man, wassup?!" I said as I slumped on the chair across him.

"It was good! Just several boo-boos. Hahaha." He gleefully said. "I did not do the news."

"What?! Why not?!" I asked as I took over the jock seat and fixed the headphones.

"Because I can't find a decent article." he chuckled. I shrugged as I inserted John Rzeznik's I'm Still Here in CD1, Filter's Take a Picture on CD2, Finch's acoustic Letters To You in Mini-Player 3. There goes my playlist for the next fifteen minutes.

4...3...2...1

I pushed the On-AIR button.

"So there goes Coldplay with their hit track the Scientist and you're still locked in your only radio with the right attitude, Jamie102.3, who your radio should be. This is Akira Sky, playing your music until six in the evening. You could call me up at 7091137 though Trigger would be answering the phone." I winked at Chris (that's his real name! He pouted!) "That's right folks. Dial up now and chatter with your hearththrob DJ, cool Mr. Manson. Meanwhile, here is Goo Goo Doll's vocalist, John Rzeznik in the Treasure Planet's official soundtrack, I'm Still here only in Jamie@102.3, cool is our industry."

I pushed the OFF-AIR button and fell down into laughter as Chris jabbed me in the shoulders. Haha! He for one does not like to answer the phone because he has lots of gay stalkers. LOLZ! I took off my headphones as I checked the crossword puzzle for the day.

RRinnGG!

I looked at Trigger and he rolled his eyes desperately. The phone did not stop ringing.

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Sequels of Nostalgia Part I

I squeezed my baby pillow as I snuggled under my blanket, trying to block the rays of the sun which is disturbing me from my beauty rest. I was about to drift back again to Dreamland when a moving UFO (or whatever) slumped me on my stomach and I had to cry out a big "OOFF!"

"Bugtaw na, nang! (Gising na, 'te!)" A mouse was screeching in my ears.

I covered my face with my pillow and groaned, praying that my kid sister would give me salvation. Just when I thought that she already left my room, she bounced like Tigger on the bed and sang, I'm Madeleine, I'm Madeleine, I may be very small..."

There goes my sleep.

I scrambled under the sheets and took her on the arms and tickled her big belly (such big stomach for a kid! Haha!) I then proceeded wrestling her until she was literally screaming for her life.

"Tama na, nang! Mamaaa!!!" She wailed, asking for my Mom's help. I smiled an evil grin -- mom's not here..

I stopped when I saw tears coming from her puppy little eyes -- before you even think I'm that bad, those were "tickle" tears and not because I was suffocating my sister to death or something.

I stood up and glanced at the wallclock -- 11:30 it registered. Aackk! I am so late. Marty's gonna kill me. We still got loads of marketing paper to finish.

I rushed to the bathroom and took a bath -- grabbed some white baby tee and jeans, put on my sneakers and cap -- voila! My fashion statement. I was about to leave when my lola called up to me.

"La ka pa kapanyaga malakat ka na?! (Hindi ka pa nagtatanghalian, aalis ka na?!)" She semi-scolded me.

"Cge lang. Sa skwelahan nalng. (Ok lang. Sa school na lang.)" I said as I gave her a peck on the cheek and grabbed my backpack and go.

"Nang, bakli ko donut! ('Te, bilhan mo ko ng donut!)" Lucerne shouted just when I was about to get out of the gate.

"Cge. Babye." I smiled as I flew her a kiss.

The hour ride from the house to school was excruciating. For one, it was noon for Pete's sake and second, I was hungry. Good thing I grabbed a chocolate bar before I left.

I arrived in La Salle 45 minutes after one. Our meeting was supposed to be 1. Har har! My bad! I headed straight towards Bob's Cafe and found Marty glaring at me. I grinned.

"Ano oras na?" He sarcastically said as he dotted on his watch.

I poked his shoulder and just smiled. I gave him my work and all the other stuff that I did. He shuffled through it and when I saw that he was quite pleased with what I've done, stood up.

"O diin ka naman makadto? (O san ka naman pupunta?)" He snapped as he munched on his french toast.

I tiptoed as I checked my reflection on the mirror. I fixed my cap and winked at Marty.

"I have boardwork, sorry! Just text me if you have any questions, ayt?!"

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Nostalgia

There are times that some nostalgic feeling sweeps me off my feet -- some music that I hear over the radio, some scents that remind me of whatever happened, pictures such as these. And then after that euphoria, I am being slumped in hell because I terribly miss my friends and family back home.

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Emotion

I don't know how to exactly pinpoint what I am feeling today...

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Perspective

There are many things running in my mind -- though I have nothing to do today (can you believe it? Monday and no work?! hah!!), I keep myself busy because I very much know that an idle mind is a devil's workplace -- you know, I might actually think of persons I don't wanna think of and kill them with the pen that is sitting pretty regally in front of me... or maybe apply my psionic powers to dictate them to poke their eyes with a pen that is sitting regally in front of them... Owkei... enough, my mind is after all becoming a gruesome warehouse of the darkness. Hahaha!

Moving on, I just would like to blurb about what happened the other day -- I would like to get it out of my system. Su permiso señore...

On the Ultra Stampede --

I woke up Saturday morning (cut it out! 11:59 is still morning, gimme a break!) and turned on the television set in the hopes of watching some cartoons (I am a big-time anime freakazoid!) and after several channel switches, I can see the same scenes in the screen (must be some TV bug). There were lot of gruelsome people, ambulances, network convoy, the Vice-President and so on. I wondered what the freak was goin on?

The news slowly sank in as I began to see dead bodies piled up on the street, people wailing and police officers trying to take over the situation -- and of course, a lot of moronic individuals who smile and wave everytime the camera pans at them. Stampede. That's what the reporter said.

My blank almost dead-bat mind tried to search for whatever associations I could find for the word. Top of mind recall -- Lion King where Mufasa was carrying the poor Simba as they join the "stampede". The next thing that popped in my left cerebrum were Jurassic Park and King Kong where people, brontosauruses and triceratops were being salivatically *eww* chased by T-Rexes. Those were my associations! Animals stomping over each other in morbid haze -- but people on people -- na-ah! Definitely not!

But the truth was there right in front of me while some friggin media person was on cam as he was still tinkering with his mobile phone. People were dead -- more or less, 80 people for that matter. It was sickening to the core. I mean, people die, YES. They die because of cancer, leukemia, AIDS, whatsoever. They die because of old age. They die because of calamities. But they don't die being stomped over. And yet, 80 people did.

My heart is sinking. I feel a lot of pity for the plight of the Filipino race. I am not your burning patriot. I am pathetic down to my very core. I don't rally for human rights, I watch them in television sets. When I was a writer, I hated news and editorials about social and moral issues; instead I wrote about tragic love stories and features on trekking and whatsoevers. When I joined the radio industry, I did not go to Bombo radyo to shout against corruption and immorality. As a matter of fact, I disc jockeyed for an FM station so that I could listen to good ol' music the whole day.

But even then, I am concerned -- of our bleak future, of corrupt country that I inhabited for more than two decades. Had I been in the Recto and Magsaysay era, I would have had high hopes. Problem is we don't.

I am not your goody-assed nor am I gooey-eyed. Everything in front of me is a blur. But I still have vision. (migration?! hmm... kidding!) People should see business in this chaos.. Money for them, taxes for the government and employment for the people. Am I being a puppy of the capitalist? Maybe but if you have a better option, email me.

I rest my case.

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Lyrics Freak

The fact that I am actually bored right now, with my back aching (maybe someone's clinging on to me.. eww, SHUTTER *the movie, remember!*) makes me want to do several somersaults so as to wake the inner pieces of my cerebellum and find some helluva thing to do. My tummy is already screaming (FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!) and so I guess I just need to feed my hyperactive blogging disorder --

UNKNOWN by Lifehouse

this doubt is screaming in my face in this familiar place

sheltered and concealed and if this night won't let me rest

don't let me second guess what I know to be real

put away all I know for tonight

and maybe I just might learn to let it go

take my security from me and maybe finally

I won't have to know everything

I got nothing left to defend

I cannot pretend that everything makes sense

but does it really matter now

if I do not know howto figure this thing out

and I'm against myself again trying to fit these pieces in

walking on a cloud of dustto get to you

I am falling into grace to the unknown to where you are

And faith makes everybody scared

it's the unknown the don't-know that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

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Hik!

Red, red wine goes to my head
Makes me forget that I still need her so
Red, red wine, it's up to you
All I can do I've done
Memories won't go, memories won't go

I'd have sworn, that with time
Thoughts of you would leave my head
I was wrong, now I find
Just one thing makes me forget

Red, red wine, stay close to me
Don't let me be alone
It's tearing apart my blue heart

I'd have sworn, that with time
Thoughts of you would leave my head
I was wrong, now I find
Just one thing makes me forget

Red, red wine, stay close to me
Don't let me be alone
It's tearing apart my blue blue heart

Red red wine, you make me feel so fine
You keep me rockin' all of the time
Red red wine, you make me feel so grand
I feel a million dollar when you're just in my hand
Red red wine, you make me feel so sad
Any time I see you go, it make me feel bad
Red red wine, you make me feel so fine
Monkey back and ease up on the sweet deadline

Red red wine, you give me holy pahzing
Holy pahzing, you make me do my own thing
Red red wine, you give me not awful love
Your kind of lovin' like a blessing from above
Red red wine, I loved you right from the start
Right from the start, with all of my heart
Red red wine in an eighties style
Red red wine in a modern beat style

Yeah

Give me a little time, let me clear out my mind
Give me a little time, let me clear out my mind
Give me red wine, the kind make me feel fine
You make me feel fine all of the time
Red red wine, you make me feel so fine
Monkey back and ease up on the sweet deadline
The line broke, the money get choked

Bunbah, ganjapani, little rubber boat
Red red wine, I'm gonna hold on to you
Hold on to you 'cause I know you love truth
Red red wine, I'm gonna love you till I die
Love you till I die, and that's no lie
Red red wine, can't get your off my mind
Wherever you may be, I'll surely find
I'll surely find, Make no fuss, just leave us

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