“Don’t bother trying to explain your emotions. Live everything as intensely as you can and keep whatever you felt as a gift from God. The best way to destroy the bridge between the visible and invisible is by trying to explain your emotions.” -Paulo Coelho, Brida
Emotion, despite having lots of it, paralyzes me when it comes from other people. I cringe when someone shares with me their happiness or devastation or whatever comes in between. It's not that I cannot empathize. I do. I just do not know how to deal with it.
I always believe that I am a sucker for emotions. I am a bipolar nutcase. I can go from being ecstatic to totally depressed in a short span of time. Maybe it's the distribution of my hormones, I really don't know. However, these emotions are kept at bay, just lurking at the recesses of my room. I could not even discuss these feelings with friends. I trust them, there is no question in that, but I always feel that it is too much drama putting it out there (save for the few times that the cup ran over). And then, there is that risk of exposure. Too much exposure of one's vulnerability.
The harder part however, is for me to be put at the spotlight. When friends pour our their heartaches and heartbreaks, I conjure a panic attack. I see them completely shattered and I could not do or say anything significant to alleviate whatever they were feeling. It sucks when all I can do is give the ol' reliable pat on the back.
This is the same reason why I am always not the first one who my friends come to when they have problems. Because of my hyperactive left side (of the brain), I jump at solutions to problems laid out in front of me rather than consider the fact that maybe, just maybe, they just need someone to listen to them. This is not what women are supposed to do (as described in Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars). Women are supposed to linger and listen and empathize and have patience. I can't.
Oh dear. Sometimes, I feel like a man trapped in a woman's body.
xx,
Corporate Junkie
