In the silence of the room, I got to acknowledge what I really feel.
I feel void. Confused.
Confused because I do not understand what is going on around me. Despite wracking my brains, I could not understand. I am so confused and flabbergasted. I do not know why the tables are turned towards me.
I am not washing my hands. In fact, I do apologize for the hurtful words that come out of my mouth. I apologize for the profanity. But I am not sorry for what I feel.
Sometimes though, you just get to the point when things just kick off to its boiling point. I am sick and tired of the situation, like listening repeatedly to an annoying soundtrack, and the only person who could stop the music does not want to end it. And then, without even thinking, hell just breaks loose because you just can’t take listening to that awful noise anymore.
I wanted to be bigger than this. I used to be bigger than this. But now, when I look at myself at the mirror, I do not recognize me anymore. I am turning into a monster. This is not me. Many times I have been told that people do not change. I do not believe that. They do – probably brought about by circumstances or an extreme experience of pain, love, hate, disgust and whatever comes in between.
And so, this reflection in front of me seems not to be me. It is me but it is also not me. I changed. A lot. I used to be happy. Happy when I get to write. To watch cartoons. Happy when I spend time with my family. Or read books. My joys are at their simplest form. I did not even curse. I am a pacifist. I hate confrontations. When did I transform? How?
Most of the time, people react differently than what they would have intended to and in the end, just leave permanent scars. I am just like one of them, somehow.
