I've long thought that I am some sort of "kabalan" (an Ilonggo word somehow equivalent to frigidity) in this relationship "game" but now, in the middle of things, I fumble and get caught up with all the apprehensions that I believed long escaped my pages.
With all the things that happened to me in the past, a lot of them were quite awful -- I just would not want to f*ck things up again. I mean, I had my share of heartaches and also brought pain to a number of undeserving people and such pain (to me or to the other party) is something that is not quite lucrative or enticing to entertain.
Sigh...
Relationships are sugar and spice but they are not necessarily all nice. Cynical yes, I am but life can be such a big joke sometimes that things and people comically pop up in your life without those encounters ever entering your wildest dreams and anticipations.
Haaayy.... Sometimes I wish I would not have to undergo the extremities of happiness, pain, sadness and all that come in between.
Sometimes, I wish I just could not feel at all.
