...start pouring in.
I seldom blog these days... I don't know. Maybe it is because I am bombarded by work or because there is actually nothing interesting to talk about. Or maybe I was taken aback (just a little, kiddo!) because you know how blogs work.. They sort of pop up in all forms of viewing in the Internet and I respect my privacy(yeah, right!). Or maybe the hell not.
But there are almost those times when you just want to click on the keyboard like some oxymoron and you abandon all your apprehensions because you are in a dire need to write. Or better yet, in a dire need to pour something that you know, are non-existential to your unknown readers and you want their frigging attention or the pathetic need of sympathy. I don't know where I would categorize my blogging at this point of time.
But really, there is nothing important to talk about. I could actually just blab about my two cups of caffeine consumption or the nicotine fix that I had just a while ago (to once again wrinkle my epithelial cells and corrupt my lungs) for the sake of conversation... one-sided conversation, that is.
But anyway...
The sun shines brightly outside and it is not in any sense, that enticing. I never wanted to have some deadly skin cancer. I am alone in my office, people actually had their lunches outside (it is Friday and it is a URC habit) but I am comfortable here in the office, clicking some words away and forgetting about work for some alone minutes. My mug of coffee is looking wistfully at me, implying a message that I do not have any energy to decode. I just sit back and close my eyes for a split-second, thinking of what to write and realizing that there is, in fact, something that I want to share.
I had this really weird feeling that something is not going on exactly as I want to. Of course, people don't necessarily get all the things that they wish for and I could just be thankful that I have a salary to spend, friends to have coffee and real conversation with, jokes I laugh at and all stuff like that but there is something missing. It is too early for me to say that I am having a quarter-life crisis but it is something that, yeah describes all that I feel at this age in time.
I was so giddy to get out of college, move out from the province and get a goddamn life. Not that my parents were strict though ( I got to do all the things that I want, wink!). It is just the lucrativeness (here I go again with my non-dictionary terms) of living away from home and party to sawa and everything that excited me.
But all in all, it has been a roller-coaster kind of life since I moved in Manila. Work is terribly occupying 90% of my time. It is just a good thing that I am in marketing and I got to party and meet other people while in work. But yeah... at this earliest point of time, I am already beginning to question, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?
I don't know.. Philosophical questions barrage me. I just could knock it over with some sleep and forget about this whole thing but for Chrissake, Balot, get a life!
Sad thing, it has not yet dawned on me what life is it that I really want.
Maybe I just have to go to the mountains again, backpack, look at the stars and find answers to my Paulo Coelho's kindava questions.
Sheesh...
