Feb 27, 2014

Day 59: Friendship

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." -Albert Schweitzer

Friendships come from the strangest places and from the most unexpected people. Others would say that you cannot forge REAL friendships later in life; the real friends that you have would be the ones who saw you grow up, whom you shared college crushes with or who were there during your wedding. I would beg to disagree.

I am so blessed to have met the Lapenas. I met them through the different advocacy programs that we pioneer at work. They are very active with the Down Syndrome Association of the Philippines with the goal of raising awareness for this random genetic disorder. I admire them as a family, working together for this cause.

This family is becoming my role model as parents and a family as a whole. Their story is a story of love, of inspiration, of faith and hope.

I was particularly touched when Agnes prayed for me for God to grant my ardent desire to complete my own family with a child that I so crave and long for. No one really prayed for me out loud. Sometimes, the burden of praying all alone is so heavy that you wish someone can share it with you.

You hear all the time that God sends angels along the way. I found mine in so many different people, like this family, who are re-igniting my life in so many ways.

I know that all my friends are sending me their quiet prayers along the way. To all of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am eternally grateful.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 58: Inspirations

"To write a message down transforms it; it becomes visible, palpable and no longer dwells in the space between the speaker and the listener. The message becomes 'heavier', acquires a body of ink and paper (or clay in ancient times) and is supposed to live longer than the person who first spoke it." -Paulo Coelho

I know why I write. It is because I read. I believe that all people who are intoxicated with the love for reading, are also addicted to the lust of writing. There are some who choose to pen it in their journals, and some like me, who has the audicity put it in cyberspace for everyone to see.

Why?

I don't know, really. It just makes me happy. And that is a reason good enough for me.

"Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation." -Graham Greene

xx,

Corporate Junkie

It is a nice thing when your efforts are recognized. Thank you, Lord!

Day 56: Casa Roces

Right in front of Malacañan is a quaint little resto named Casa Roces. I hate driving around Manila because the route is really stressful, the streets are narrow, etcetera, etcetera.

Good thing, my appointment got me to experience this lovely resto.

The place is almost empty at around mid-afternoon. It is perfect for meetings or for those who would want some solitude, to read a book or to finish a report.

Since I was early for my meeting and had time to kill, I ordered some coffee and the Devil's Cake.

People started to pour in at dinner time. The place is good for dates or some little get-together with friends.

I tried the Bulalo ala pobre which is a pan-seared version of bulalo with fried kangkong and garlic. Yum!

So there you go, my little happy for the day. What about you, loves? What made you happy today?

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 55: Mondays.

Monday. I hate Mondays. Mondays suck.

I always brace myself for Mondays. I try to baon some extra positivity and happier disposition to counter my Monday neutrons.

But this week, this Monday, I was happy. Because things turned out better than I imagined. I was able to resolve some long-term issues which I kept on putting off for a while. It was a heavy weight lifted upon my shoulders.

So now, yeah. I can now get through Mondays without losing it. :)

Hope your Mondays turned out wonderful, loves!

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 54: Answer to our Prayers

Today, I am thankful for all the people who are sent by God to show me and Edzel a spark of hope for the challenges we are going through.

Thank you, Lord!

Day 53: Through Thick and Thin

Today, I would like to thank my husband for facing this APAS journey with me. Who knew that it was actually bad to be "too compatible".

For consoling me for my loss when you were suffering from it too,

For getting those extractions when you are scared of blood and needles,

For reassuring me that we are together in this challenge,

Thank you so much, I love you to the moon and back.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 52: APAS Philippines

People are quick to judge. Some people linger and celebrate someone's sufferings. But these are few; most would pray and comfort and support you in times of need. That is why I still believe in the goodness of man.

I have been mulling over putting up this blog because I was afraid that people would be quick to judge. However, I was overwhelmed by my own need to let people know about this syndrome. It is not easy to be afflicted with APA Syndrome. Even worse, there are not much references that you can find. I found information in forums, in some other blogs of APAS moms and through it all, there is this wanting to share -- share the joys, the pains of undergoing the journey. To gather the whole community to pray for and with them because time and again, prayers lifted to the heavens work.

So here it is -- my own APAS journey before your eyes. I ask nothing but your prayers. Visit www.pricksandneedles.com if you want to know more.

I am forever grateful to the APAS groups I am part of, whose members continually share and guide all of us who are still new in this journey. God bless you all!

xx,
Corporate Junkie

Day 51: Companionship

... because it is hard to go through life's problems all alone ❤️.

Day 50: A New Website

I have been pondering for several days now on how I will be able to cope with my diagnosed condition. It is not deadly, yes, but it afflicts 10% of Filipinos and for this percentage of occurence, it is alarmingly high.

I will be launching this new website very soon for the following reasons:

1. To give information to those who may be experiencing the same hardships; and

2. To share and be a support system to those who need it

I have been working in some advocacies for a time now and I feel that this is my personal advocacy now. I have seen how many non-profit organizations strive to spread awareness on the different conditions like Down Syndrome (this month is National Down Syndrome Awareness Month by the way), autism, visual impairment and the like.

Awareness is key. A support system is vital.

I know that I am just one person to forward this cause. But I do not have big dreams for it. Just one simple yearning -- to be able to inform and share, in a prayerful hope that somewhere, someone can benefit from it.

Will keep you all posted.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 49: Learning Excellence & Compassion

L-R: Tin Dacanay, Marketing Manager, Canon, Sandy Prieto-Romualdez, Group CEO, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Annie Garcia, President, SM Supermalls, Alan Chng, President, Canon Marketing Philippines, Angel Guerrero, EIC, Adobo Magazine, Nonna Nanagas, President of Dentsu Philippines, myself, Richard Ordonez, Director, Canon Marketing Philippines and Hideo Rai, COO of Dentsu Media.

One good thing about reporting to a celebrity boss is the opportunity to meet movers and shakers in different sectors. This expands one's professional outlook. The stories that top executives share are very inspiring -- how they drive their company, how their industries fare and so on, and so forth.

However, there is one thing that intrigues me more than anything else. It's studying the CEO Behavior. Much more than the accomplishments that makes them outstanding, there seems to be common characteristics among them (most, as there is always an exception to the rule). The CEOs that I have met are compassionate, very easy to talk to, are accommodating and has an exemplary ability to connect with people. However, they also have the aura of authority and sternness which can make people bend in their will.

Uncanny combination, don't you think? I wish all executives are like this. But for today, I am happy that most of them that I meet are such lovable people.

xx,
Corporate Junkie

My Little Black Hole

Noone can cure anyone from their loneliness, from their pain, from their doubts. Worse is when you don't hear the words that you want to hear. Failed expectations. Sinking disappointments.

In times like this, and in any other time at that, there is no better solace than your faith. To just keep it together no matter what other people say.

The journey is long and challenging. Sometimes, I wish things were different but reality kicks me in the shin and I'm back into my little black hole again.

"Every so often we long to steal,
to the land of what might have been, but that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in." - I'm Not That Girl, Wicked

Photo by Jeff Busby from www.wickedthemusical.com.ph

"When I see depressing creatures, With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf To think of
Celebrated heads of state or Specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh! He,he!
They were popular! Please - It's all about popular!
It's not about attitude, It's the way you're viewed
So it's very shrewd to be Very very popular Like me!"
Popular, Wicked

Okay, so it's quite obvious that my Wicked hangover is not yet over. Far from it, actually. I particularly love this song by ~~Galinda~~ Glinda because it is so witty! I like her because she is like a burst of sunshine (nevertheless, her shallowness) who always sees the world half-full and her perkiness is just sooo adorable!

The Wicked OST is playing all the way to work and all the way home. It is an endless source of happy... for now.

Anyway, if you can, don't pass on this extremely wonderful musical. Visit www.wickedthemusical.com.ph for more information and theater schedules.

Ciao!

xx,
Corporate Junkie

Miracle of Mother Vellakanni

7 days ago, the husband and I went to the the Blessed John Paul II Parish in Eastwood and came across this letter. What will you lose if you read and share this?

There was a miracle in Vailankanni Church. Till today nobody would have heard about in the Church of Vailankanni. One Sunday, Mother Mary appeared in the form of an infant to a person.

She told him, "Do not be afraid, have faith and listen to me. I am to this world. Print 200 leaflets in my name, and distribute to the people to spread the message to wash away sins and receive all goodness in life. Do it in my name," saying this Mother Mary (who was in the form of an infant) disappeared.

Hearing this, the man in Vishalatnam printed 515 leaflets and distributed the same. After a few days, the man received blessing of Mother Mary and got 50 rupee taks by lottery.

• In Agra, a man printed 615 leaflets. Within 24 days, he got a pot of gold coins through the blessing of Mother Mary.
• A poor man who thought of printing this message was blessed by Mother Mary and got a job. Later, he printed 1,000 leaflets in thanksgiving.
• Another person who did not believed in this, mocked this and destroyed the leaflets. This disbeliever made him lose his son.
• Man passed in Rashbal in Agra, read this message and delayed it by one month. He had a great loss in his business and lost his wife.
• In a place called Lathara, 5 people together printed 2,530 leaflets and distributed the same. Mother Mary blessed them and they received good profits in their business.
• Hearing this a poor man printed 1,000 leaflets. His faith in the Mother help him in getting 50 rupee taks in a town called Mangavinar.
• A poor family printed 1,000 leaflets. Mother Mary blessed them and they got everything they asked for.
• A family in old Mangalom Channel 33 who came across this message delayed in spreading the same by 15 days. Their new automobile met an accident and lost a lot of money. They faced many problems in their family.

As Jesus said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find." So ask with faith and you will receive it. Print this leaflet within 10 days spreading this message of our Mother Mary and Jesus, and you will receive all the blessings to achieve what you want. Please do not destroy this after reading. Give it to others.

Respect his Holy Name… Sacred Heart Prayers.

"Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer." - Padre Pio

I have witnessed a personal miracle once in my life at the intervention of my Saints, Padre Pio and Sta. Rita of Cascia.

I came to know St. Rita because she was our patron saint when I was in my senior year in secondary school. Because of my failing memory, I could not remember her history. Padre Pio, I have heard from a friend.

Doing my little research, it is astounding to see a commonality between my two saints -- both bore the external sign of stigmatization and are incorruptible. St. Rita is known to be the saint of lost and impossible causes (together with St. Jude), sickness, wounds, marital problems, abuse and mothers. Padre Pio is known for his intercessions but mostly for miracles on healing. People who have gone to visit his Shrine near Eastwood would know this as they have posted many testimonials on the healing intercessions of Padre Pio.

Earlier this year, God answered my prayer in the most unconventional way. I have learned my lessons the hard way. It was a vindictive realization - to put Him always at the center of everything, center of my self, center of my marriage.

Along the way, here I am again, slipping from my faith. I still say my prayers but my devotion has slacked a little. I have made promises I cannot keep and I feel terrible remorse for that. Today, God has freed me from my guilt.

I asked for a tall request from the husband. He is not a religious person but he has made great strides for me. We now go to Church regularly, we say our prayers before meals. We usually just go to the nearby Church however, I asked him today if we could go to the Shrine of Padre Pio, to which he readily agreed.

As we were ushered into the Church, we were directed to sit at a certain area since there were very few empty spaces left. I am quite sure that it was a sign, a Divine Providence, because we were seated on the part where all the testimonials for answered prayers were posted. It was overwhelming since out of the hundreds of testimonials scattered all over the Church, we were stationed at that part where a couple was expressing their gratitude for their baby. A baby who was given to them by God, despite having APAS. Coincidence? Maybe. Providential? I believe so.

I brace myself for what is in front of me. Despite the challenging times ahead, I am filled with hope -- as long as my husband is there, my family and friends are there in every step of the way. And of course, our God.

As Padre Pio said, "Pray, hope and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer." Amen? Amen!

Lots of love and prayers,
Corporate Junkie

What You Need To Know about APAS

My brother-in-law produced this segment a long time ago when he was still with the Probe Team. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be referring to this as a source of information.

Day 46: How Steadfast Is Your Faith?

“When you are ill, do not delay, but pray to the Lord, and he will heal you. Give up your faults and direct your hands rightly, and cleanse your heart from all sin. Offer a sweet-smelling sacrifice… Then give the physician his place, for the Lord created him; do not let him leave you, for you need him. There may come a time when recovery lies in the hands of physicians, for they too pray to the Lord that He grant them success in diagnosis and in healing, for the sake of preserving life” (Sirach 38:9-14).

Saturday. Feb 15. (This is a back post as I could not write anything yesterday.) It was one of the darkest moments in my life. My head was pounding; my thoughts were reeling towards the worst. As my (our) condition has been explained a little more clearly, my heart could not help but to sink a little more. I hoped that I had listened more to my biology class so that I could understand what Dr. Carol Gloria, our newfound immunologist, was saying.

I have been mulling on how to cope with this. When I ask people or vice-versa, there is someone they know experiencing the same problems as I have. Given the limited information in the internet, I wonder if they are the same like me, searching for information, looking solace from people who can be beacons of inspiration. The only one I stumbled upon was this blog, www.infertilityphilippines.blogspot.com. She has not updated her blog since after she got pregnant in June 2013 so I mustered the courage to contact her. It was overwhelming when she replied and told me that she has not updated her blog because she's so busy with her 8-month old angel! :) I cried hearing that. There is hope. So much hope. Challenging but with hope.

I loved the parting words of my immunologist to my husband, "Start praying." Somehow, I know that I am in good hands.

I don't know how to move forward without the reassurance of my husband. He told me, "I married you, without a baby. Remember, in sickness and in health. In God's time."

These are the sources of my happy as of the moment. It is bittersweet. But I am sure it will all be worth it.

If you know anyone who is on the same boat and would like to get in touch and be a source of support, you can email me via ernalou.delrosario@gmail.com.

Babydust to those who need it. ❤️

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 45: Of Chap Goh Mei and Valentine's Day

I am on a creative drought right now so I am just cutting off on my sentences. Please pardon me. Undergoing some really heavy stuff.

I am grateful that I can bring my husband to work events and he would sit and blend in comfortably. At the same time, I am glad that my boss allows him to be there as well.

Something's gotta give.

PS. I have long accepted the fact that my husband would not be a googly-eyed romantic so I have stopped expecting flowers or anything special on Valentine's. When we went home, he gave three kinds of chocolates though! In a no fancy manner. Just handed me three chocolates, in his matter-of-factly manner, as usual.

Aww, you unromantic, romantic man!

How about you, loves? How did you spend the Heart's Day?

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 44: Wicked

"Because no retreat from the world can mask what is in your face."- Gregory Maguire

Oh my! This was the escape that I needed from all the scary thingamajig happening in my life right now.

Wicked is wickedly awesome! I mean, the story is superb, yes, but more so the set design and the acting, and the voices that made it all so perfect!

I am so hung over right now.

**humming to the song of Popular."

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 43: All In A Day's Time

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” - Steve Jobs

Take Me...

...to the beach!

ESCAPE

Your gentle touch

Your hums and whispers

I crave.

My soul's serenity

My mind's tranquility

You pave.

Your warm nice glow

Your comforting heat

I miss.

Take me now

In your embrace

Oh sweet ocean's bliss.

"Shut up."

I am on my nth day of being down. I am struggling to look for my happy today. A series of trials from my personal life is coupled with some issues I have at work so yeah, it's a little gloomy on this side of the world.

While I may not be able to concoct my happy pill today, I just would like to share a technique which I think would be beneficial to my future state of happiness (and hopefully, yours too).

Yes, this is a note-to-self that I need to apply in my life, every single day.

1. When you are upset or mad, shut up.

Historically and basing this on experience, this is very, very, very hard. I am a Mass Communications graduate and I took up two classes of basic acting yet I struggle with this. I can feign happiness or disappointment but I cannot fake a mad me.

I burst. I explode. When things calm down, I withdraw. Especially if i have reached my tipping point.

This is my nature, in my personal and professional life. I tend to isolate myself from people who disappoint me. When I am pissed with a friend (or the husband for that matter), I withdraw and put up a wall until the time that I feel okay. This is wrong (yes, I know this and it is an internal struggle!) because I know that people do not operate in the way that I do. The worst thing about this is my paradigm that people around me should know what they are supposed to be doing.

A life coach actually told me that this is not a healthy thing to do. Because I just "bury" ill feelings and don't address them, there is a tendency that these issues will be resurrected and I would go through the cycle all over again.

Action Plan: I need to master handling conflict without getting upset and being emotional about it. Just to deal with it objectively, without emotions. R2D2 style. That is the only option or else, I just have to shut up again.

2. If you have nothing good to say, shut up. Just shut up. (I am not a perfect example of this, that is why this is a reminder to myself as well.)

Action Plan: Remember the real issues and deal with it -- R2D2 style.

3. If it does not concern you, shut up. It is a conscious effort, really, to be nonchalant about the things that surround me. Sometimes, the best way is to keep oneself as unattached as possible.

Action Plan: Resist the urge to be involved when not asked. Let others do the talking.

I always tell myself that the less I talk, I would probably have less enemies, and detractors, fewer people who would want to kill me in their minds or stab me behind the back. Hmm, these are some of the perks of being a wallflower. Maybe I should try and be one.

What do you think?

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 41: When It Is Tough To Be Thankful

My OB asked me this question when I entered her clinic this afternoon, "Pagod ka na ba? (Are you tired?)".

I didn't get to ponder on her question and to really probe on what I am currently feeling, so in the end, I just smiled weakly.

It has been a tough week. Apparently, contrary to my initial belief, my well of optimism is not everlasting. Today, I just feel sad and tired and frustrated.

I have been in and out of St. Lukes for about a week now, finishing all the tests that I need to undergo as quickly as I can. A total of twelve vials of blood has been extracted from me. The last extractions were horrible since my veins were already collapsing and the medical technologists cannot get the quantity that they needed.

On the plus side, I am grateful that out of the eight tests to determine my category (amongst five), I have been negative in two.

The wait for the other results is excruciating. It is also even frustrating that I cannot seem to find decent or abundant resources on this APAS condition.

I am sad that I may have this. The results are still inconclusive but one result showing a low spike in my hormone level was enough to shortlist me with it. I am guilty that I have to put my husband into this ordeal. I am frustrated -- why me? There are so many women or girls out there who easily get pregnant and they do not want the baby. Yes, it is depressing and despite the outpouring support from family and close friends, I kind of feel that I am alone in this, without any source of reprieve or something which I can do to actually solve the situation.

Today is just a little puddle in my happy project. Still at the end of this day, I am

happy that the husband is being patient with my tantrum and tries to console me without even knowing why I am acting up.

Oh well, maybe I just need to sleep it off. :)

Goodnight, loves!

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 40: A Test of Patience, A Test of Faith

"Never, never, never give up."

People undergo a lot of trials in life. Some choose to let go or give up, others stand up and fight. I am part of the latter.

My faith has always carried me through tough situations. I have always believed that God would not give you something that you cannot surpass. I have gone through many dark moments in my life and looking back, I do not remember how I have survived except for one thing -- I have always clung to my faith and to Him when confronted by darkness.

Blind faith is never easy especially when you want something so much. However, as what most would say, happiness is the journey and not the destination. So now, I try to remain positive and enjoy these little discomforts because I know that one day, God will give me my heart's desire, in His time.

So be it.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 39: A Time for Everything

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal;

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and and time to laugh

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them;

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace."

- Ecclesiastes 3:1-6

Time. If you have read Mitch Albom's The Timekeeper, you would know Dor. Dor or Father Time. Because of his curiosity, time was created. Because time can now be measured into seconds, hours, months, years, our anticipation can grow, sorrows can linger, happiness can just breeze by.

Time can be unbearable, especially for those who wait. More so for impatient people. And this is a perfect description of me -- an impatient woman in waiting.

In moments that I yearn, I try to divert my attention. I have accepted the fact that everything in my life happens for a reason and everything will happen in His time. Human as I am though, there are still moments that I crave for a happiness that a little infant would bring to our home.

Being inconclusively and recently diagnosed with APAS or Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (more about this later on) was depressing enough. Three months ago, I rejoiced already, thinking that the tests were negative (or so my other doctors said).

Recently though, I have visited a perinatologist specializing in APAS and when she read the results, she confirmed that I was positive for it and she has to conduct more tests. Verifying it with more tests is scary at this point in time, especially when my research does not return so much information on the topic. Roughly explained, my blood has the tendency to coagulate (or to excessively clot). This usually results to migraine headaches, bruising, premature miscarriages and just recently, progressive memory problems. Check, check and check on those symptoms. Ugh.

I am not an internet doctor. However, I am a marketing person. Being such, I research on facts about problems at hand. I stay positive that amidst all the tests, we will be able to go beyond this.

I thank my husband and our families for being supportive. Waiting for the test results is agonizing but I want to prepare this time. Together with your prayers, maybe soon, God will finally send a stork to our humble little home. I keep my hopes up and my faith. So, bless me God.

I am writing this post not because I want sympathy. I do not know how many out there are experiencing the same sorrows. It would be good to have a support group and someone to relate to.

Let's all hang on and continue our prayers. Love you all.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 38: What's Your Complex?

"I would rather have an inferiority complex and be pleasantly surprised, than have a superiority complex and be rudely awakened." - Vanna Bonta

Life is never easy. Some people would think that happiness means getting everything that they want. However, if you think about it, everything loses its meaning, its depth when each and single thing that you ask for is given instantly in a silver platter.

The world does not work that way. Well, at least, for most of us.

Kids who are given everything in life usually tend to be brats who do not understand the words sacrifice, hard work or perseverance.

I grew up in a middle-income household. We had helpers but we were required to wash the dishes, clean up the table and do other house chores. I will forever thank my parents for the discipline, sense of accountability and responsibility, and dedication that they have instilled in us. I would have hated myself a lot if I had entitlement issues, or worse, superiority complex.

I pray for me, and each and every one of us to realize our place in this world and learn not to be arrogant about it no matter what our role is. In the bigger scheme of things, we are no more than a speck of sand.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 37: Today's Ten

“When you're washing up, pray. Be thankful that there are plates to be washed; that means there was food, that you fed someone, that you've lavished care on one or more people, that you cooked and laid the table." - Paulo Coelho

My life has drastically changed. I do not remember when or how it happened. Several years ago, I reveled with the thought that I was manic-depressive. Happiness was a hoax. I called that my "eeyoric" stage. I really did not believe in happiness but I know what unhappy was like. I woke up every morning, bored, uninterested, not knowing my purpose or meaning in life.

Sometime, somewhere, something happened. I woke up and I decided to shake off that negative feeling and really put in some effort to feel better about my life. It sounds so cliche but listing down all the blessings that you have, small or big, really helps -- the air you breathe, the food you eat, the home you go to.

I am grateful to God that He helped my transformation. Now, I can say that I am happy 90% of the time. Yes, the attitude of gratitude is my bottomless source of happy.

So today? Nothing grand but I love the little things that happened today --

1. Drove through Roxas and EDSA and arrived home safe and sound <and very much alive>

2. Was able to interact with other people from work who I do not normally talk to <very refreshing, actually>

3. Survived another presentation to an audience of more than a hundred.

4. As weird as it has been, the Fish Spa experience in Manila Oceanpark.