Isn't it irritating how some people could actually rub on your face so many times that you are a big-time loser? I don't know.
Leaving the management training program was difficult. Not difficult in the sense that I do not know where my professional path is going because I am sure as hell that I would love to be back in Marketing. It was difficult because I knew that from the start, I would be displaced from my group. It is so ironic to feel this way when I always say that I don't give a damn about companionship. I do. But they don't need mine, so why the hell would I bother?
I am an onion-skin despite the hard-core aura that I have. Yeah, I project this ultra insensitive image but deep inside, this situation is tearing me like hell. It is only at this point in time that I realize that my boyfriend's companionship (however I thought how stagnant it became) was my streak of sanity. And now that he's back in Bacolod, I am crumbling into tiny goddamn pieces. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE MY WORK. If I would have made the decision all over again, I would have still left the program and started to do the things that I am doing now. But this feeling of being ostracized and alone is cutting into my rubberlike skin especially when someone, who is so very sensitive enough, keeps on shoving it on my face.
I know I am mababaw to make a big deal out of this but if I don't I would just be "outletting" it to something else. There's a heavy lump on my throat knowing that I AM BITTER and I AM AFFECTED when yes I knew that THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE OTHER SIDE of my decision. I just don't feel some sense of belongingness. Well, perhaps I have not really been a part of the groupie.
After all, I am a lonely and desolate corporate junkie on my way towards my corporate dream. And things just need to f*ck up. Who needs perfection anyway?!
