I am Corporate Junkie.: writing

Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts

Dec 11, 2014

An Unforgettable Encounter with Coelho

I don't know how and when my love affair for Paulo Coelho's writing began. I am sure though that the first book that I read was By The River Piedra and not The Alchemist. And then, I read The Alchemist. And for some reason I lost the book. And then I read Veronika. And then The Zahir. I haven't stopped reading (and re-reading) his novels ever since. I lost track of how many Coelho books I lost because I keep on loaning it to someone, promising that it is a good read. Some of them were never returned to me (because of course, it is indeed a good read and they forgot to return it) so I keep on replenishing so I have the complete set! Yes, this is how my love affair for Coelho's books is.

I don't know why I love his writing so much. In his videocast, he said that he is an experiential writer. He needs to experience things before he can write. Maybe I could relate to that.

I always believed that my love for writing has sprouted from my love of books. As time passed by, somehow the patterns interchange. There are times that I am inspired to write because I have read something. There are also times that I need to read because I want to write.

Ever since I quit corporate life, I have become more attuned to my creative wind. My writing is very personal, most of the times and I know that a lot of people would stop in the middle of the blog and say, I don't care. I do not have credibility when it comes to food reviews because I have a black and white palate - it's either good or not. I can't do ratings. How do you qualify a 4 out of 5? My tongue hasn't been trained for that. I would love to have a travel blog but I seldom go out especially with my condition now so...

And so, I realized that I can't be a better version of someone else. As I said, I relate with Paulo's writing style: something experiential. Something raw, full of emotions. Something honest and is a journey to self-discovery. My blog can't be a version of someone else's. I really didn't care about statistics or page ranks. Or monetizing this blog. What I write here is just plain old me. What I go through every day. How I have given up corporate for the want of a baby. How I read to pass time. How I share my marketing knowledge to people who are interested at times. Those things that are essentially me. Nothing forced.

Which brings me to this -- something that I consider as a defining moment in my life. In my previous post, I was talking about wanting to have some inspiration and stumbling upon Paulo Coelho's videocasts. And I wrote about it because it mattered to me. I wrote about it because he lifted me from my creative drought, like he always does. And I tweeted him saying that he is my hero. Which is really true. (To validate that, you can search Coelho at the Search bar and find that a lot of my posts start with quotes by him).

And then this --

He re-posted my blog in his Twitter and Facebook pages. I was dumbfounded!

When your personal hero does this, how would you feel? What would you do? For guys, this is like Michael Jordan answering your tweet. (this could be a lame analogy, but...)

And so I love him even more.

I wanted to capture this moment in my blog because as I mentioned before, I have a really lame memory. Somewhere down the road, when things go rough, I could go back to this day and I know deep in my heart, it would lift me out of a pit.

And of course, this is my takeaway as again quoting Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist--

"Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure."

My heart is in writing. I wrote ever since I was a kid and I have forgotten it a lot of times. And at this point in my life when I have almost nothing, my writing gives me my treasure. I get paid now to write for blogs and for social media. I was able to have a personal connection with my hero because of it. And while I thought that the only things that could give me happiness were a high-paying job and an uber successful career - I was wrong! Because nothing beats the gratitude I have for experiencing these things given to me by the Divine at this point in my life.

Cheers,
Balot

Thoughtful Tuesdays: Inspiration

"You are useful when you give inspiration to people." -Paulo Coelho

I have been struggling with my writing as of late. Some call it writer's block. Some call it creative drought. Whatever it is, yes, I have it. For several days now.

I browsed some articles to research on how to get rid of this halt. These were the tips I got.

Change your environment. (But it's so dreary outside!)
Read a book. (This bed weather is making me sleepy.)
Exercise. (Uhmm..)

And then, I stumbled upon this - Part 3 of 4 of Paulo's podcast on writing.

"What is inspiration? Inspiration is breathing. You put what is outside inside of you. And then, you expire. So, inspiration is something that everybody has, not only writers... Everybody has, when you do things with love. It is connected with this energy that we don't understand. We can explain, explain, explain, but it is connected with the energy of love. If you enjoy what you are doing, you're going to be inspired to share it with other people. However, inspiration, you cannot guide inspiration. Inspiration is a boat and you are in this boat, in a sea. So there is this gigantic sea. And your boat is taking you. Inspiration is guiding you. Inspiration is this wind that is guiding you towards your destiny. If you try to guide inspiration, you are lost." -Paulo Coelho

This is actually the first time that I have played a videocast from Paulo's blog and my admiration for this man has been cemented in my life more than ever before. I seriously had goosebumps listening to him.

If you are a close friend, you would know that I adore Coelho. I have all his books, I have read and re-read them more than you can ever imagine. I couldn't pick a favorite Coelho book because I love them all. And yes, one more thing, I trash all my Coelho books. I am really sorry but I do. I only do this to his books. You know what those are?

Yes! Dog-ears! My bad. But what can I do? Too many lines that I love. How can one write so profoundly? Almost every other page? That's crazy!

I wish that someday my own creative wind will guide me to write something that could give inspiration to other people. In the meantime, please do enjoy listening to my hero as he has inspired me enormously today.

Check out the first installments of Paulo's videocast on writing below:

Part I on Writing

Part II on Writing

Part IV on Writing

xx,

Balot

5 Things I Love With My New Work-At-Home Role

I keep on asking myself if I miss my corporate life. During my first month, the answer of course was a resounding YES. But now, that desire is becoming a little fainter.

If there is one thing I miss most working in the office, it is the unlimited interaction with a lot of people. To some, this could be a burden, especially for anti-social people. Those who know me though, know that I am a social butterfly. I love talking to friends in the office, conversing during office breaks, even talking to my team about a project or to my boss about a great vision. This is was my way of learning. Of course, I cannot do that now at home when all I have with me is Sachi and her eyes can only implore. I really wish she could talk. Haha. I try to compensate it though by bugging all my friends over Viber.

While I miss working in corporate, I am having a new-found love working at home. It has been two months (already!) since I have quit work and so far, so good.

Since I started staying at home, I was able to increase my shop's sales because I finally had the time to focus on it. I was also able to land several writing jobs (which I love, by the way) and it comes almost every week. I have a marketing consultancy work which I attend to once a week and just this week, I landed a virtual assistant job for an awesome Australian company (which I got from a network of awesome work-at-home moms in Facebook, thank you sooo much!)

So yes, I AM BUSY :)

While it may not look that stable for me yet, working at home looks quite promising. One things that gives me a lot of confidence is when I hear stories of many WAHMs (work-at-home moms) who have been very successful in providing for their family without having to join the rat race.

So without further ado, these are my five reasons while I love my new work-at-home role:

1. I spend my time more productively and more efficiently.

Time Flies by Robert Couse-Baker
Creative Commons License 2.0

I don't have to pretend that my mind is working when it is still dozing off. As of the moment, I am required to do four hours of work each day for my role as a virtual assistant. Everything that I do is results-driven without the burden of doing it at a specific time of the day. I was told that I could do things on the time of the day that I am most productive. As long as I deliver what is required, everything is okay.

Isn't that awesome?!

For me, this has been the most liberating and more daunting task. Liberating since you don't have to do the usual time-in and time-out but it is daunting because you have to be accountable for everything that you do.

At the end of the day, your integrity plays a major role because offshore clients trust that you are doing your job during the times that you said you were.

2. I learn new things every day.

Learning by Anne Davis
Creative Commons CC BY-NC 2.0

I thought my world would end when I quit corporate. My fear was for my mind to become senile. No more spreadsheets, no more presentations. But alas, there are many new things that I learn. Every day.

Learning is everywhere.

It does not need to be contained in the office. Now that my work is based online, I get to expand my horizons more. I have discovered the amazing world of Google apps. All awesome social networking tools.

What's more, I get to upskill myself even in the areas not related to work but to my role as a wife - homemaking :)

3. I have three additional hours per day and because of that, I can do more.

What I hated most when I was working (as I am sure, with everyone else who has to endure the same) was the traffic. It took me around an hour to get to the office in the morning and it was just thirteen kilometers away!!! The worse part was the drive home -- almost two hours.

By the time I arrived at home, I was already deadpan tired.

Now, I have saved three hours just because of that -- enough time to be able to cook for my husband and play with my Sachi.

And yes, an additional hour for a little stretching or reading a chapter of a new book is not bad, too.

4. I get to rest.

I can definitely say that I have slowed down which was my doctor's requirement when she asked me to quit. Whenever I feel tired, I take some power naps. I still maintain my 6:30 AM waking hour though. But I think the naps really help and this set-up, really, is causing me less stress.

5. I actually save more because I spend less.

Save Money by 401 (K) 2012
CC BY-SA 2.0

It is quite ironic that I get to save more now with a fifth of my previous salary. But staying at home means no expenses at all. No expensive lunch outs. No gas money. No toll fees. No office clothes, high-heeled shoes or makeup to buy.

It has been a short while so I really do not know where the roads will take me yet. I am not closing any doors and I am always open to opportunity. However, for those who are forced into this stay-at-home situation for whatever reasons, there is so much things that you can do. It is not the end of the world. This I have learned.

It is all a matter of maximizing the skills that you have. What would be nicer is to do the things now that you are most passionate about since you have the option to choose what road to take. In my case, I am grateful that I am able to write again and even get paid for it.

Quitting corporate is not bad. Not bad at all.

xx,
Balot

Memories.

www.iknowsquat.wordpress.com

Years go by unnoticed

We think we never change

But when you look back, you will see

Everything is not the same.

My words hung with spite and gore

In the summer after 2004

My world was made out of confusion

Of hate, of rants, of love and its illusion.

But now I see I have grown so much

From wails and sobs, I am now happy

My young years have indeed defined me

And I turned out okay, for the better, hopefully.

I started blogging in 2005 and come to think of it, it has nearly been a decade. I stumbled upon my old blogs and now, I laugh at myself -- those were the days that I talked about cockroaches, about vampires and used a lot of "stuffs" in my writing. I cringe now. *sigh* Sorry, grammar Nazis! I imported all my entries (some, I corrected) to document what a really creepy person I was before! Hahaha!

I have been soooo emo before. Some people consider high school or college as their "lost" years. This is usually the time that you find out who you really are or what you really want. It came to me quite late (pretty much like everything else). I had this moment of finding myself when I left Bacolod to work in Manila. I had no parents to scold me or to guard me if what I was doing was right or wrong. I was free to make my own decisions.

Some of those decisions I was not proud of, haha! I committed so many mistakes in my life when I was here in Manila. Yes, these mistakes, probably the most in terms of number and the worst, in terms of gravity. I ranted and ranted and ranted. I said awful stuff. Crazy years!

But those years made me the person I am now. And I am happy of what I am and what I have achieved so far. So, cheers to change! And cheers to our young, errant, wild self! And cheers to old blogs for reminding us of our wonderful journey of being a diamond in the rough.

xx,

Balot

Thoughtful Tuesdays Vol. 2: Provision

I love this verse from Matthew 6:26. It gives me the assurance and comfort that everything will be okay despite the fact that I do not waddle in the corporate world anymore [read: steady income down the drain].

I didn't know that my writing would somehow matter in these times. I always thought that it was for my personal consumption. But I have been getting some trickles of writing jobs here and there that allow me to contribute even a little to our household expenses. Edzel has been awesome, providing for everything that we need in the house but I cannot stop feeling guilty sometimes. Again, I know that it is my pride talking.

I have recently joined a community of work-at-home moms on Facebook. I envy how they got it all figured out. Bounce me in any corporate matters and I will rise by it with flying colors but this whole "figure-this-as-you-go-along" thing -- oh man!

But yes, God provides me with sanity, one day at a time. It could be a writing job or a friend talking to me the whole day or an incessant chore that I need to do (and would usually occupy one whole day). Just this morning, I landed a part-time job offer for an awesome Australian company -- I was looking for something to do at home, exercise my brain cells and save a little. This was another of God's answers. And there is another bonus -- this company is all about health and wellness and how to improve your lifestyle. Isn't it Providence?

I may not be doing what I want to do for now, but I am sure that this is what I should be doing at this point in time.

I may not be doing what I want to do for now, but I am sure that this is what I should be doing at this point in time. Staying at home makes me more attuned to my role as a wife as I get to talk to my husband more during the day, cook for him and take care of making our home a wonderful place to go home to [hopefully]. It also helps me focus on that one dream that I want more than anything else, the main reason why I have quit anyway and that is to prepare myself to hopefully have a baby.

Have I slowed down according to my physician's orders? Yes, I think so. In a significant way, if I may say. Am I still learning despite the fact that I just stay at home? Yes, I do. In a whole new perspective but still learning -- to cook, to bake -- and admittedly, I have a looonggg way to go.

In the meantime, I trust. I trust that He will provide what it is that I need.

How about you, love? Have you ever been propelled to an entirely different direction because of a dream you want to pursue? Being thrown off out of your comfort zone? How did you go about it?

xx,

Balot

Thoughtful Tuesdays Vol. 1: On Waiting

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering." - Paulo Coelho

All our lives, we are always bound to wait. Wait for our planes to arrive. Wait for a promotion long due. Wait for the right one. Wait for the wrong one to realize he is the wrong one because you do not have the courage to break his heart.

Or there are times that we choose to forget.

To forget that we have that one dream that we long for. Forget that we wanted to travel the world when we were younger. Forget that there is more to life than the one that we have.

And the worst part, yes, it is the worst part - when you do not know what you have to do.

Over the past few days, I have been floating in a limbo. Again. It is so hard to wait especially for someone whose patience is not her strongest suit. It is hard to battle the "baby lust". So every month that I am not yet pregnant, it pushes me back into my black hole.

I am very blessed to have friends who keep on reminding me that everything is going to be okay. I am very blessed that I have a husband who supports me in all aspects of our relationship and does not mind that he has to take care of everything, for now.

There are just moments that I break down because I do not know what to do anymore. Do I stay at home, continue being a housewife, and wait that one day, it will come? Or do I get back to my old corporate life and just let things run on its course?

Yes, it is probably my pride [or ego] talking. I have never felt so helpless, clueless and fully dependent on someone all my life. I plan my life well and at this moment, there is nothing to plan. There is nothing that I can do but to wait because there is no option for forgetting this dream that I want.

And so, this continues. Good luck to me, then.

I Blog Because...

Before I tell you why I blog, I would like to tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was this girl. She was not your typical girl. She climbed trees. She went with her male cousins and uncles to go bird-hunting. She loved designing paper dresses but didn't really like playing with them so she just made a lot of them and give the dresses (and the paper dolls) to her younger sisters. She loved books. She liked cutting funny or sometimes, sarcastic comic strips and gluing it on her notebook. She kept a lot of diaries. That's where she kept all the letters, all her thoughts, her poems, everything.

There was one thing she was really bad at, though. Keeping her things. So as years passed by, all those little treasures were lost. Sometimes, when she would try to look back at the events of her life, she gets nothing. Seriously, there is nothing. She could not remember a thing. So she would puzzle things together or sometimes doubt herself if those memories were just figments of her imagination.

How I Discipline Myself To Write

Last October 19, I subscribed to Jeff Goins' Intentional Blogging Challenge which I encountered from one of Patty's post. As the name suggests, it is a series of challenges for you to intentionally allot time to writing. Ever since I became a housewife, I have committed to myself to do the things that I had no time for when I was still in the corporate world. On top of that list would be writing, reading and resting.

Writing seems to be the easiest thing to do but really, it is not. You have to crack yourself for the right words, the right topic. Sometimes, you wait for that "wind" to inspire you to come up with a great article. This is what I have been relying on in the past so you could expect quite a predictable result: I only wrote whenever I felt like it. And that happened once in a blue moon especially since I was swamped with the challenges of my job.

Celebrating the Lenten Season

Holy Week always meant vacation for me. I think this is pretty common to the working class because this is the time when we get around four days off from work, without anyone bothering us since the whole business operations come to a halt.

In the past few years, husband and I always spent it in Boracay. We both love the beach, we love the sun, we love frolicking on the shore with the waves lapping at our feet. If you ask me what a perfect vacation is, I always imagine it hot and sunny and drinking tequila in the middle of the day and chillout or reggae music at the background.

This year is totally different. We could not really splurge on a vacation because we are saving for our treatments. We initially decided to just stay home. It came as a surprise when husband said yes to my proposal: a Visita Iglesia in Batangas.

Now, you may ask, why Batangas? We can just do the rounds here in Manila, right?

Yeah, we can. But ever since the start of this whole APAS thing, we found a special devotion to Padre Pio, and I learned that there is a shrine for him in Batangas. I later found out that there are several churches there (one of which is Asia's largest Catholic Church, the Taal Basilica) so everything just seemed to fall into its place. Husband and I are not religious but undergoing this ordeal has brought us closer not only to each other but to the third party in our marriage -- God.

Hmm, I am excited for this spiritual vacation. Something new but I am hoping that this would bring us graces and good news! Who knows, we can even discover some exquisite places / food along the way! Yippee!

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 58: Inspirations

"To write a message down transforms it; it becomes visible, palpable and no longer dwells in the space between the speaker and the listener. The message becomes 'heavier', acquires a body of ink and paper (or clay in ancient times) and is supposed to live longer than the person who first spoke it." -Paulo Coelho

I know why I write. It is because I read. I believe that all people who are intoxicated with the love for reading, are also addicted to the lust of writing. There are some who choose to pen it in their journals, and some like me, who has the audicity put it in cyberspace for everyone to see.

Why?

I don't know, really. It just makes me happy. And that is a reason good enough for me.

"Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation." -Graham Greene

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 27: Poetry

"Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen." -Leonardo da Vinci

In a scale of one to ten, today can be an eight. I discovered the wonders of what you call digital technology (more on that post later on), crossed out a lot of items on my work to-do list, cooked a hearty dinner and the highlight of it all, discovered again the wonderful world of poetry through a book given by a friend (thanks Gay!). The book is by Lang Leav named Love & Misadventure.

You will know it is a good book when at the first few pages it could capture your attention. And indeed, this book did not only lure me, it inspired me to go back to my original roots in writing -- poetry.

Yes, I started my venture into the literary world by writing poems. As the years went by, poetry seemed melodramatic and too romantic to be injected in the real world. I can imagine some people telling me that poems are too childish, teeny-boppity. Poems and my daydreams : my delusional gateway to Neverland.

But now, as I browse the book and its pages, I feel a sense of elation. I should never give up on my passion. Who cares if anyone actually reads it? Who cares if noone can relate to it. I am just painting my reality in words, for me -- by me. It does not matter if these things I write are not appreciated by someone else. The words in my heart is my own painting -- a painting of my life. For me. By me. And at the end of the day, it makes me happy.

Word

I have lost all my words for you

Some thousands of seconds ago;

When I have begun moving on,

You started to sing a diff'rent song.

How am I supposed to react

When you keep hiding under that mask;

Just say one word, just one, indeed-

Stay or go, that is all I need.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 18: Why I Read. Why I Write.

"Reading is not work, not a chore, not a drudgery; reading is the most joyful thing, yet, in the world." - James Patterson

I grew up in a very small town -- the smallest municipality in fact in Negros Occidental, or so my Papa said.

I lived there for almost 20 years of my life. Although I spent most of my time in Bacolod, this is the place where my childhood evolved.

The recollection that I have of my younger years was going with my Tito and our dog, Iris, to go hunting for birds. This place had some sugarcane plantations and it was fairly easy to catch some birds at that time. Other than that, I climbed trees, collected seashells, played with my rabbits and my white mice, goaded Bor, our mischievous monkey, and fed my Papa's fighting fowls and my fishes. As much as I enjoyed these activities, there was one thing which made me the happiest -- reading.

I was very lucky that I was raised in a household where my parents were very hands-on with my education. We were encouraged to read encyclopedias; my mom made me spelling cards; my dad forced me to love Math. I loved studying. I do not remember hating school.

Because I loved school, the love for reading seemed almost automatic. I loved the library and my most precious possessions were my library card, a pen and a notebook. I think I spent most of my time in that place than anywhere else. I read almost everything. Of course, same as with any booklover I suppose, I went through the phase of Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys and Liz and Jessica of Sweet Valley High. And then I evolved and loved the occult novels of Rice and King, and the scandalous Westmorelands of McNaught.

I could never stop reading.

I loved how authors conveyed powerful words. Words that moved the readers. Words that can take you anywhere.

Because I loved reading so much (I remember we had a hammock where I spent my time when I wanted to read), I wanted to emulate my favorite authors. So the writing began. I was part of the writing group in grade school and my English teachers loved me. When I reached high school, the first thing I did was to join the schoolpaper which I headed during my senior year. In college, I persevered, trying to write when I can while juggling between my two majors.

The most impactful that I have written by far was this story -- A Love I Never Had . People thought it was real; although I really intended it to be very personal. I seldom wrote prose. I was more into the journalism and poetry genres. I wanted to write short novels; I just knew that I could not sustain its plot. One day, I hope I can.

Reading and writing are two sides of my favorite coin. I do not think I could do one without the other. It is happiness at its cheapest. Yet the most satisfying vice that I have.

How about you? What makes you really happy?

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 14: Tips on How to a Be Happier Working You!

Work, by this context, is a job or activity that you do regularly especially in order to earn money.

Work is not easy. That's why we actually get paid for it. So until the time we are financially free, we cannot escape work. Until then, we all have two choices: work and complain or work and enjoy.

In this case, since this is my 365 Days of Happy Project, i would like to share some tips on a happier "working" YOU!

1. Go to work early. Or at least fifteen to twenty minutes before your actual time-in.

Most of the time, our day starts bad JUST BECAUSE we are late. The stress that comes with it in beating the clock, cursing and swearing because traffic is not moving or what-not, is to quote my boss, "the source of hypertension and heart attack".

2. Make a to-do list. Write it down.

Seriously. I admire people who can afford not to write things down. When you receive more than hundreds of emails a day, I think it is imperative to be able to jot down what you need to do. Unless you have a perfect memory, writing things down saves you from the embarrassment when your boss asks you about the things you need to do and you missed on it. Most of the information we encounter every day cannot be retained in our brain. According to www.human-memory.net, your short-term memory is like a Post-it note and can only retain 7 items or less in 15 seconds. Now unless you can take a picture of that mental Post-it of yours, save yourself the future hassle and WRITE IT DOWN. You won't only feel efficient but you save yourself the stress, the embarrassment and can result to a stress-free, good (even, happy) day at the office!

3. Be grateful.

We all know this. Recession in different countries resulting to mass lay-offs. Unemployment rate increasing. If you are in a position or a role where at the very least, you get to do what you enjoy doing (like me for example, I apply some of my writing when I do company publications), be grateful. When you are at a company where your team is not dysfunctional and you actually like working with them, be grateful. There are so many things to complain about: pay scale, workload and so on. You will still get all or some of this in any other company. So until the time that you can stand on your own and be financially independent, weigh your pros and cons. Maybe, just maybe, it is not THAT bad where you are right now.

4. Inject fun ALL the time BUT do not lose sight of what you are required to do at the end of the day.

Efficiency does not mean we have to work like drones. I love the fact that I work with a crazy bunch of people who knows how to have fun and to deliver things at the same time. We spend almost half of our day, five times a week in the office. The least that we could do is to make it a bearable environment :)

Soo, those are the things I can purge from my brain right now. I am still reeling from a retarded, funny ~~SIMS~~ conversation with my teammates when we were finishing our requirements for today.

How about you? What did you do to make work fun today?

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 13: HappIER At Work

I am happier at work. I WAS happy at work but now, I am much, much happier. I will tell you why –

All this time, I have had this mantra which I came across a favourite book but it’s only now that I am actually, trying to live it --

“Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls...are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.”

― James Patterson, Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas

I am (hopefully, was) Corporate Junkie for no reason. I loved my work. I was addicted to it. When I started working at 20, I was relentless. There was no other motivation except my own. It was not because of money or a promotion. It was because I had a dream when I took up my degree in Marketing and Mass Communications – someday, I will be a great marketing person.

And so live that dream, I did.

I stayed in the office for more than ten hours without overtime pay. I worked on weekends not because the bosses asked me to nor to kiss ass but because I wanted to finish so many things. I brought work home, I skipped meals, I obsessed on making my brands bigger. I dreamt of my brands, in giant-sized versions of themselves hounding me because they were not market leaders. My whole entity was 90% my career.

Perhaps this was the reason why I was not able to establish real or probably, deep personal relationship with anyone. I have this incessant need to be able to control the things around me. Humans scared me. They are unpredictable, sometimes volatile. They hurt you or backbite you or say nasty things about you no matter how you please them. My Excel and PowerPoint files do not disappoint me. They render the results that I want to see without any complaints. They do not find faults, they just execute. We had a very close relationship, me and my work files.

At some point though, I had to stop my work obsession. The tipping point, maybe, was when my husband blurted to me in exasperation ~~(or irritation)~~ that I do not text, I do not reply, I just simply zone out when I am at work. He was so frustrated about it. There was also a time when my office friends hesitated to invite me to after-office sessions because all I talk about is work! Of course, I shrugged it off at first. How petty can this be!

Later did I realize that it was a glass ball reaching its breaking point. I learned my lesson in a hard way.

I have changed somehow (or at least, so I think). I have come to terms with myself and the idea that I can actually do my job without sacrificing other things in life – like friends, companionship, my health. Social media helped a lot and of course, all these messaging apps which connect people no matter where they are. I was just lucky that I have some REAL friends and a very understanding family who actually understand my quirks this whole time.

I have resolved my issues. I tell myself that I have already reached the pinnacle of that college dream. Based on my own standards, of course. During my time, all the brands I handled were market leaders. Call it luck or whatever you want. I do not claim the glory, please pardon me if that is how this sounds like. All I am saying is this -- I was in love with my brands. I wanted to be great at what I do. It has already been given to me for the past nine years of handling wonderful brands from C2 to PowerShot to IXUS to VIXIA. I have done my share. I have lived my dream.

Now, I appreciate so much what is on my plate. What I do now is wonderful. Doing projects that help people, promoting a brand that has long established its name in the crevices of this world. More than that, it helped me let go and live. To go home to my family. To take care of my dog, to talk to my husband, to do other things than just obsessing on numbers. To actually enjoy lunch time with my team mates and have the time to goof around.

I could not be more grateful. I keep on thanking God for bringing me to where I am now when at first, I was resistant to the change He was bringing into my life. I never thought I could live not being a marketer. But I am now. And I am enjoying it.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 12: Where Is Your Faith?

I feel Him in the gusts of the wind
that gently caress my face
I feel Him in the sun's soft glow
turning into a warm embrace
I feel Him in the little things
His glory shown in all its bounty
I feel Him through my friends, my team and the love from my family.

I feel Him in the books that I read
in the prose I try to write
I feel Him in my worst moments
in the solitude of the night.
I feel His comfort when I am sad
more so when I am happy
I feel God's Almighty love
in everything that is around me.

Day 3: My Meditation App

"Il doce far niente. The sweetness of doing nothing."

I have rediscovered things that I have wanted to do for a long time. I wanted to start on yoga, blog everyday, strive and make an effort to be happy, quit my vices and meditate.

Hmm, meditate. Meditate. To sit down and not do anything. Why would I want this?

I haven't really had a formal session on meditation and prior to this, I just thought that it was full of bullcrap. Who can sit still for a long period of time??

But what the heck. I wanted to find out how it could potentially be of some benefit to me so I downloaded this app --Omvana.

This app features some inspirational talks, meditation music and a mixer where you can choose your background music and its accompanying meditation session. I actually came across this app in a previous app called Meditate.

Hmm, joy of all joys. It actually worked! At least for me, that is. I have tried it for some days now and I have noticed some little changes in me. I sulk less and am a little bit more patient. Mind-conditioning is not a scam, after all! You just have to put your mind into it despite how incredulous the app makes you do.

Try this app, and who knows, you may like it!

xx,

CorporateJunkie

Day 2: Discovery

One of my happiest moments is discovering a new book and finding an amazing quote at the beginning. So imagine my happy when I discovered this three-part book grabbed by my sister from Fully Booked's teen section. It surprised me.

Memento Mori. A Latin term which means remember that you will die.

"Memento Mori. Some people live their lives as if each day will be their last. Some approach love the same way, in a desperate attempt to outrun the tiny changes or huge ones that are always looming on each of our horizons. But the sense of urgency that comes from wanting to experience life and love to the fullest can force decisions that are not always in your best interests or anyone else's, for that matter. In fact, sometimes facing the consequences of your choices can be even worse than death. You may live only once, but you don't necessarily want it to feel like forever." -Ghost Girl Lovesick, Tonya Hurley

Never A Coincidence

"All sickness can be used for a greater purpose. Perhaps it's to bring you closer to God. Perhaps it's to bring you closer to your family. Perhaps it's your path to inner peace. If you're sick right now, I urge you to listen to God speaking through your soul. Perhaps there's a message in your sickness. Once you hear the message, do it. If you're sick right now, fill your life with love. Receive love. And give love." - Bo Sanchez, God Is Bigger Than Your Biggest Problems

I have always wanted a long vacation.

Right after I graduated in '05, I started work immediately and then, there has been no resting after that. Stephen Covey, once said, that it is good for a man to sharpen the saw. Revitalize. Preserve your greatest asset -- you. Nice thought. Hard to really put it into action.

I am Corporate Junkie for a reason. I love my work - sometimes, too much. I was reading The Complete Idiot's Guide to Beating Stress last night and it has identified me as a Type A stress type. According to the book, what is a Type A behavior?

Type As:

Try to accomplish too many things in too short a span of time
Are irritated by trivial things
Are impatient with other who do not function as they do
Are easily angered when they feel their goals are thwarted by other people
Prefer to work alone or be in charge so that have total control
Resent ever being told what to do, or being given suggestions
Work even faster than usual when deadlines and pressure are involved
Are "combat-ready," reacting with aggression when they feel threatened
Are cynical and mistrustful about other people's motives
Can increase their susceptibility to physical ailments by smoking cigarettes and drinking a large number of caffeinated drinks
Get less sleep because they are busy burning the candle at both ends so that they can accomplish more
Have been associated with a number of illnesses -- including colds, headaches and stomach disorders

There you go, home run! It is not my work. It is not my environment. It is me. I always have this aggression -- an ambition to always push myself further, higher, better.

This realization hit me last night like bulls-eye. I am technically forced to rest. I may not want to and I am already going bonkers staying at home for more than a week (It has been just 10 days!!!) but I think, this is what I need to do. Just slow down. Just for a while.

To give time for my body to heal, inside and outside.Not just because of my miscarriage but for all the stress that probably have accumulated in my body for the past years.

This "time" is also giving me an opportunity to be a better wife, once and for all. To cook dinner for my husband. To fix the house. To text family and friends.

They say God works in mysterious ways. And while some of those ways pose themselves as very painful experiences, I believe that there is a higher purpose to all this.

"God won't protect you from all pain. But He will allow you to experience pain that can turn into a great blessing." - Bo Sanchez

So be it, Father.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Omniscience

I have no concept of rest. The word is alien to me. My current state though, forces me to stay still and it is just now that I am learning to take things slow.

They say it takes twenty-one days to make a habit and I am almost in a quarter-way of developing a new one -- randomly flipping the book and getting some sort of message and encouragement from up there. What else can one do confined all day at home? Someone's gotta find some pastime. Right? :)

And so today, how apt could this message be? And how can I argue with this?

I believe that there are things beyond me. A higher, much greater being. While I might sound disturbingly religious, I am, in fact, inadequate in this aspect.

At the end of the day, however, I have faith. And it is my faith that keeps me together. It even brings me happiness in some sporadic moments during this temporary valley of my life.

So, God, thank you!

xx,

Corporate Junkie