I am Corporate Junkie.: APAS

Showing posts with label APAS. Show all posts

Jan 12, 2015

Thoughtful Tuesdays: Confessions of a Baby-Less Mum

“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” ― Paulo Coelho, Brida

Sometimes, I am tired of waiting for my miracle to happen.

Wait! Before you judge me, indulge me please. I am not superhuman. So allow me to slip just for today because I feel more deeply at this time of the month (crazy PMS!)

I am not bored anymore. In fact, I am enjoying what I do now - handling social media accounts of health brands where I learn a lot of things and writing, of course. All this in between naps, cooking dinners and reading books. Away from traffic. Away from the stiffness of the corporate world. Just me, myself and I in my home office, with my dog Sachi beside me, sleeping on her mat. I am grateful.

But then, there is a reason why I am here doing what I do. I am supposed to be preparing for a little one to form inside my little belly. And each month that it does not happen, a cloud looms over my head. The wait is agonizing. I try to get over it but it gets the better part of me.

Sometimes...

Just like today...

Even the Fates seem to be playing with my feelings. Just the other day, when I was on my way to my immunotherapy session, I was stuck in an elevator full of babies and toddlers! Even the series I am watching is about a pregnant werewolf girl who was given an ultra chic nursery for her baby. ~~Nice~~ Ironic, isn't it?

I know that I am in no position to rant. Some couples I know took ten years to conceive. Some weren't that lucky, even. But the despair is coming from not knowing whether to wait or to forget about my dream of having a child. I try to put it out of my mind. I am an eternal burst of sunshine or at least I try to be for several years back. Positivity. Hope. Faith. All those things. I know that I should focus on them. But then, there are times that you just can't escape the feeling.

Today, I slip.

But there is nothing that I can really do about it. I just have to endure. Moments such as this take a lot of willpower to rise up from my gloom. Oh well, another day to live. And wait.

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”

― Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

xx,

Balot

Friday's Five: 5 Things I Am Grateful For This 2014

As we end this year, I would like to deliver my last edition for #FridaysFive. As I look back on the past twelve months, I could say that so far, this has been my most "steady" year ever. Yes, there were many big changes in my life but it seemed like all those changes were actually for the better.

Some time in the past, I have talked about the Attitude of Gratitude. Happy people are thankful people. There will always be difficulties in life but the main differentiating factor between a pessimist and an optimist is how they perceive the situation which they are in.

Because of the many self-help and happiness books that I read (such as The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and Don't Sweat the Small Stuff by Richard Carlson, etcetera), I have learned to do a makeover on how I view things. Meditation helps me a lot as well as trying to avoid emotional leeches as much as possible.

So, for this year, let me round up the five things that I am ultimately grateful for:

1. I am grateful to lose the job I love.

I loved my work. I loved what I do. I loved my team and the people I worked with. I think you get the drift. Quitting my corporate life had been one of the major setbacks in my life. Or so I thought. If I wasn't shoved by my immunologist to make a hard decision of quitting work to be able to prioritize my personal (family) goals, I would have not given up being a corporate junkie. But so far, it has not been that bad as I thought it would be. Because I quit, I have more time in my hands. I was reunited with my original love - writing. Writing for this blog, writing for clients -- I didn't even expect I'd get some moolah from this but I am and I could never be more grateful.

2. I am grateful to have no fixed salary.

My first concern when I had to quit work was, of course, our household finances. I have never been financially dependent on Edzel (or anyone for that matter) and this has been a humbling and enlightening experience. Because I have no fixed income, I had to push myself. In the end, I was able to start a business and currently learning on how to invest on stocks. What's more amazing is that there seems to be a Higher Power who continues to provide us with the resources we need. Some people do not believe in Providence but here I am - I am a living proof.

3. I am grateful to be stuck at home.

During the first few weeks of being stuck at home, I felt like I was going crazy. I was used to an uber busy schedule booked with meetings, answering incessant emails from colleagues, fulfilling projects and tasks. However, as days passed by, I realized that this is the best time to fix myself. Be a healthier, better version of me. I am giving myself time to rest which is what my physicians required of me. At the same time, it slowly helps me to become a better homemaker. I have always had this paradigm that I could never be domesticated -- I am a Type A person who needs to be in the boardroom. Lately though, I have realized that I CAN BE BETTER AT THIS - at cooking, at fixing our home, at taking care of the home and the husband as wives should. I am not yet there but I am getting closer to being better every single day.

4. I am grateful for my sickness.

I have learned the value of living and of health because of it. I have appreciated the wonders of having a child a thousand times more. Because of my APAS, I have seen the world in a whole new different way. My disorder has taught me that there is nothing more important than building a family - not wealth, not a successful career, nothing can compensate for it. I may have realized it a little too late but I am working sooo hard at getting better.

5. I am grateful for my losses.

I have lost two pregnancies. I had post-partum depression on my first one and my marriage crumbled down at some point because of that. I slid into my black hole and forgot that there were other people who I needed to take care of. I poured myself over work because it seemed that it was the only area in my life which was inside my circle of control and where I could succeed. But my losses taught me that relationships (with my husband, with my family, with my friends) are the most important parts of my being. My losses had brought me and Edzel much closer than ever to each other, to our family and to God.

So you see, my difficulties could have left me broken. However, I realized that I ~~was~~ am a much stronger person and that whatever my situation is now, it is because of a higher purpose -- I am prioritizing the most important things in my life.

As they always say, it is all a matter of perspective and this time around, I'd rather be Happy Tigger than Depressed Eeyore.

I wish you an awesome last stretch for 2014! Cheers!

Love,

Balot x

My First Acupuncture Experience

I have been friends with needles since the day I was diagnosed with APAS. So when two of my friends suggested that I undergo acupuncture, I didn't bat an eyelid. Needles? Meh!

Acupuncture is said to help with fertility in both men and women. According to MedicineNet, some couples are trying acupuncture to boost fertility. There is research to indicate acupuncture might improve uterine blood circulation, help regulate ovulation, increase sperm count, and improve rates of success with IVF.

In the same website, acupuncture is described as a component of the health care system of China that can be traced back at least 2,500 years. The general theory of acupuncture is based on the premise that there are patterns of energy flow (Qi) through the body that are essential for health. Disruptions of this flow are believed to be responsible for disease. Acupuncture may, it has been theorized, correct imbalances of flow at identifiable points close to the skin.

So, I visited St. Francis Natural Health Care at #19 Panay Avenue in Quezon City. I was referred to Sr. Regina Liu (her Chinese name is Shengrong Liu). Sr. She has been practicing Chinese medicine for more than twenty years and took her master’s degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine from the Academy of Chinese Culture and Health Sciences in Oakland, California. She is a California-licensed acupuncturist and herbalist.

Acupuncture is not only for fertility. There were other patients there who suffer from insomnia and other body aches.

St. Francis Natural Health Care has been operating for around ten years now. You have to book your appointment because there's a long list of clients especially for Sr. Regina. I was asked to fill out three pages of medical background.

I arrived a little early for my appointment so I drove first to a Mcdo nearby to have my lunch. When I went back, I was ushered to the cubicles where they hold the treatments. In Sr. Regina's cube, there were pictures of babies hanging on the walls. Aww...

These were the acupuncture paraphernalia. All needles are new and they sterilize the areas to be "pricked" on with alcohol, similar to the hospitals.

Acupuncture needles are really puny in terms of diameter. They are almost 10% in size compared to the normal medical syringe.

Sr. Regina asked me several medical history and checked if I brought my medical records. I didn't though but I promised to bring it on my next visit. She is very familiar with APAS. I didn't have to explain anymore my condition which was a BIG relief.

And so, the procedure. I had four needles on the head (possibly for my migraines) -

Then five on my stomach, two on my legs and two on my toes. They put Moxa (chinese herb) on the two needles on near my legs and lit it up like incense sticks.

There was also a heat lamp placed on top of my abdomen which heated in comfortably. In my research, thse lamps are called Thermal Design Power or (TDP) lamps and are far infrared heating devices used to accelerate natural healing processes.

My first visit cost me PHP1,950. I was told that the next visit would be around PHP700 (this I have to confirm on my next visit hopefully on Saturday.

What did I feel after the procedure? Significantly lighter. On the night, I felt all the gas coming out of my body (gross, sorry, TMI). However, I was quite worried of the many things Sr. Regina told me to do. Haha.

Drink less cold drinks. You should always keep the body warm; therefore:
Drink a lot of soup.
Sleep by 10:30 PM. She scolded me because I still sleep at around 12 midnight even if I have no work anymore. She told me I should rest and should let the body recuperate and be in deep sleep from 11:00 PM to 3:00 AM. Sleeping late affects fertility.
Avoid raw veggies, fish and meats.
Drink warm water.

So there. New to-do's for me which I can barely keep up with (especially the sleeping part). But yes, as with all the rest of my experience with APAS, you have to do what you have to do.

How about you, loves? Have you tried acupuncture? How was it for you?

xx,

Balot

Would You Quit If You Needed To?

"In the 50s women believed in home, children and prayer. In the 60s it was "do your own thing." The 70s were all about "being liberated". In the 80s it was becoming "superwoman." In the 90s we were tapping at the "glass ceiling." In the first decade of the 2000s, we went "green" and became environmentalists. What's next? We're exhausted!" -365 Things Every Woman Should Know by Emily Barnes

When I first read this book, that quote did not really sink in. I was at the peak of my career when I got married two years ago. I had a lot of time, that's what I thought. Seriously though, who doesn't want to be superwoman, right? I never entertained anything else aside from climbing the corporate ladder. Passive income or building my own business was never an option, not even if I can do things on my own terms. That sounded boring. Corporate life is exciting. Stressful, but exciting. Corporate was just the only way for me.

And then, I lost my second pregnancy. Lying at the hospital recovering from my operation, I did a little introspection of my life. What am I doing? Where do I want to go? What are my priorities, really? These questions bogged me until the time that I knew the reason why I could not maintain my pregnancies. I was tested positive for APAS or Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome.

First, it came as a shock. Why have I never heard of this syndrome before? If I had, could I have kept my second pregnancy? Of course, there was really nothing much to do except move forward. And so, I underwent a lot of treatment and was given an advice to just rest -- to rest from my job, to take a break from the corporate world.

It was a laughable thought at that time. Me? Quit my job? But then, somewhere along the way, it just happened. I just knew I had to quit if I wanted to have a baby. So me and the husband jumped the gun.

Reblogged: What APAS did to my lifestyle

Inside, I was proud. Yeah!

You need to boost your immune system. Make it healthy - healthier.

I gave a blank stare. What?

It is strong but it is not healthy. It is strong because it is fighting... a lot. We need to fix that.

Reblogged: LIT for LAT (About Lymphocyte Immunotherapy)

Anyway... the succeeding sharing will be for those who are in the same boat as I am in my effort to also raise awareness. I have noticed there has been a lot of people who are having difficulties getting pregnant. This, however, is only about people who have repro-immuno cases.

So after all the tests that I had, I was required to undergo paternal lymphocyte immunotherapy or LIT to boost the activation of my LAT (linker for Activated T-cells) which is important for the pregnancy as well as generate a positive tissue cross-match with the husband.

In my previous test, we found out that I was too compatible with the husband. What does this exactly mean?

Reblogged: Tests. Tests. More Tests.

To celebrate the two months that I have carried my little one, I would like to re-post about APAS and my current condition to hopefully shed some light to those who are suffering from the same disorder. I am lifting these articles from my other blog and decided to centralize all my journey here. There has been an alarmingly increasing number of people who are suffering from repro-immuno disorder. It is a grueling and challenging journey and I hope that you could send a little prayer along our way.

Being diagnosed with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APAS) is tasking, both financially and emotionally. Nevertheless, you have to do what you have to do.

In the first quarter of the year, I have undergone a lot of tests to determine which specific syndrome I am suffering from. Having lost two pregnancies, I already transferred to a high-risk obstetrician (perinatologist), Dra. Valerie Guinto who is affiliated with St. Lukes Global, Asian Hospital and PGH.

These were the tests that she required of me --

1. Primary Immunodeficiency Panel

Reblogged: Tests. Tests.

Note: Last October 4, 2013, I lost my second baby. While I am happy that I have a little angel in heaven, the pain does not really go away. I was talking to a friend the other day about the loss that we feel for a loved one and we agreed that it still does not become easier despite the years.

To celebrate the two months that I have carried my little one, I would like to re-post about APAS and my current condition to hopefully shed some light to those who are suffering from the same disorder. I am lifting these articles from my other blog and decided to centralize all my journey here. There has been an alarmingly increasing number of people who are suffering from repro-immuno disorder. It is a grueling and challenging journey and I hope that you could send a little prayer along our way.

--

Once confirmed with APAS, there are so many tests that one has to undergo. This, I will put in detail in my next posts. One of the tests being done for Category 1 patients is LIT or Lymphocyte Immunization Therapy. LIT, according to www.repro-med.net is procedure whereby white blood cells from the prospective father are injected into the skin of the prospective mother.

According to the website, this is to "allow immune recognition of fetal tissues under circumstances that identify embryonic tissues whether they be the product of maternal or paternal genetic programming as friend. Failure to recognize embryonic tissues leads to insufficient development of tolerance mechanisms and, by extension, a decrease in the generation of tolerance-producing T regulatory cells. LIT may augment the development of tolerance possibly by increasing the numbers and appropriate distribution of T regulatory cells."

While I have not fully grasped the whole notion of LIT, I would like to share with you the tests needed for it. Me and my husband had to undergo a Tissue Cross Matching Test which actually determined that we are "too compatible".

Reblogged: More About Reproductive - Immuno Disorders

Note: Last October 4, 2013, I lost my second baby. While I am happy that I have a little angel in heaven, the pain does not really go away. I was talking to a friend the other day about the loss that we feel for a loved one and we agreed that it still does not become easier despite the years.

To celebrate the two months that I have carried my little one, I would like to re-post about APAS and my current condition to hopefully shed some light to those who are suffering from the same disorder. I am lifting these articles from my other blog and decided to centralize all my journey here. There has been an alarmingly increasing number of people who are suffering from repro-immuno disorder. It is a grueling and challenging journey and I hope that you could send a little prayer along our way.

--

Before I go to the tests, I would like to discuss again more about repro-immunological disorder. I stumbled upon this site which has been very, very informative and has answered all my questions about my condition.

To quote from Reproductive Immunology Associates, one in every 200 couples are too genetically similar to achieve a successful pregnancy. They are saying that one among 200 couples will experience two or more recurrent miscarriages. That is way higher than the incidence of parents giving birth to children with Down Syndrome (1 in every 800) and children with Rare Disorder (1 in every 20,000). I am comparing this to the latter because I have also been involved with PWD causes.

Reblogged: The Fuss About APAS

You miscarry once and the world crashes down on you. You promise to do all things right the next time like go to bed early or eat the right food and so on, and then, for the second time, you lost your little angel again.

While drowning in the effects of the epidural, I could barely muster the words, "What happened?"

Celebrating the Lenten Season

Holy Week always meant vacation for me. I think this is pretty common to the working class because this is the time when we get around four days off from work, without anyone bothering us since the whole business operations come to a halt.

In the past few years, husband and I always spent it in Boracay. We both love the beach, we love the sun, we love frolicking on the shore with the waves lapping at our feet. If you ask me what a perfect vacation is, I always imagine it hot and sunny and drinking tequila in the middle of the day and chillout or reggae music at the background.

This year is totally different. We could not really splurge on a vacation because we are saving for our treatments. We initially decided to just stay home. It came as a surprise when husband said yes to my proposal: a Visita Iglesia in Batangas.

Now, you may ask, why Batangas? We can just do the rounds here in Manila, right?

Yeah, we can. But ever since the start of this whole APAS thing, we found a special devotion to Padre Pio, and I learned that there is a shrine for him in Batangas. I later found out that there are several churches there (one of which is Asia's largest Catholic Church, the Taal Basilica) so everything just seemed to fall into its place. Husband and I are not religious but undergoing this ordeal has brought us closer not only to each other but to the third party in our marriage -- God.

Hmm, I am excited for this spiritual vacation. Something new but I am hoping that this would bring us graces and good news! Who knows, we can even discover some exquisite places / food along the way! Yippee!

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 87: Against All Odds

“A lesson for all of us is that for every loss, there is victory, for every sadness, there is joy, and when you think you’ve lost everything, there is hope.” ―Geraldine Solon

People undergo many trials in life. In my case, I have considered myself so blessed. Most of the things came easy, God has been good.

It came as an avalanche when I was diagnosed with a repro-immuno disorder. Having a problem creating a happy family never occured in my wildest dreams. I cried, tried to be happy, cried again, tried to be positive. Most of the time, my hope dangled on a string.

But during those times when I lose hope, I am pulled back, by family, by friends, by the husband... by Jesus.

After the shock of knowing this ultimately weird condition of being "too compatible" with my husband, we finally decided to do the treatments.

I already started on it last Friday. In the morning, they took 14 vials of blood from the husband and at around 2:30PM, injected the processed blood, which now only contains his white blood cells.

I took this photo of my left arm before the procedure --

My doctor started me on the first LIT (lymphocyte immunotherapy). She told me to hold the husband's hand for support. I could have not gone through without it. I don't know where to start describing the pain. It was excruciating. Tolerable but extremely excruciating.

Doctor gave me six shots. Each shot was more painful than the previous one. To explain it haphazardly, it felt like blade slicing through the skin. Thinking about going through it for four times is hell. Thinking that I am doing it for my future baby eases it all.

I was required not to wash my arm for 48 hours. It looked like this when we went home --

Despite the pain, I am happy. I am happy that we are still able to find ways on how to couple our silent prayers with scientific treatment. I am happy that my immunologist is a God-centered woman who keeps on reminding us to pray. There have been times when my faith becomes so distant from me. It is by God's grace and your prayers that I will be able to forge my faith stronger and hope for the best -- the life that He has in store for me and my family.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 78: How To Float

A lot of emotional stress that people go through, some people figure out a way to handle it. They have a strong enough support system to keep going and keep moving forward. And some people, they feel like they don't have that outlet. - Terell Owens

That moment that I learned I have APAS, it felt surreal. All my life, I have considered myself to be really blessed and I had no inkling that I would have any difficulty conceiving and having children. I did some research and I still do. I launched my website advocating for that syndrome at www.apasphilippines.com in the hopes of raising awareness for this seemingly common yet unknown disorder.

All this time, I have been blessed by the support I am getting from a Facebook Support Group which provides guidance, encouragement and inspiration to all who are experiencing APAS and other reproductive immunological disorder. Social media has indeed changed a lot of lives and in this case, definitely for the better.

This is how I float amidst this challenging situation, my support groups -- my family, my husband, my friends and random strangers who are or were in the same boat as I am.

My heart is filled with gratitude and hope. Thank you so much.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 62: A Message of Love


Photo by Fabio Bertini

Yes! I am a sucker for signs. I know that this is not the way to be, that I should not test the Divine but I cannot help it. The signs that I have asked have been my guiding compass through the most important decisions of my life --

1. My husband - when I met him in Boracay in the Summer of 2006, I always thought what everybody else thought, "What happens in Bora, stays in Bora." On the first working day when I got back to Manila, I prayed to God to guide me if there ever was a future for this mysterious man I met at the beach. I asked God that IF that guy would text me before 5:00 PM on that day, that means there could be some future for us. I squirmed as minutes passed by. When 4:30 PM passed and still I got no text, I told myself that was that -- just another forgettable Boracay rendezvous. By around 4:49 something, he texted me, "How's work?" I almost fell off my chair.

2. My work - All my life I knew that I will always be a marketing person. I never considered any other profession. When my current post was offered to me, I had my hesitations. I did not want to leave my team, I loved what I was doing, I hated socializing and so on. Going home, I asked God that if I see a plate number with a CC (acronym for the new group which was being offered to me) on it, I would gladly accept the role. I had my hesitations of course, knowing that it is too seldom that I see plate numbers with CC. After I finished praying, in a minute or two, I saw a car with a CC plate number. I made my decision right there and then and have no regrets, so far.

I am just citing this because today, the signs are too overwhelming. It is filling me with too much gratitude and hope. I have this habit of praying over a book and asking God for guidance through the contents of a random page flip. This morning, I got this from the first book --

a. Anticipation is a key stage to happiness. - The Happiness Journal, Gretchin Rubin

Excited with this message, I flipped the Bible and this is the page where I landed --

b. Ecclesiastes 11

5 As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. 6 Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.

I almost cried when I read this. It only affirms that we need to do what we have to do as well from our end then equip our treatments with prayers because both might equally do us well.

Lastly, this was the message from God (a Facebook app) that I got today --

Thank you, Lord, for sending us your message in so many different ways. Last night was actually a depressing night for me and the husband, with each of us separately thinking about our future but your assurance is everywhere that I could not help but stand in awe at the glory of Your grace.

In Your time and to God be the glory.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 53: Through Thick and Thin

Today, I would like to thank my husband for facing this APAS journey with me. Who knew that it was actually bad to be "too compatible".

For consoling me for my loss when you were suffering from it too,

For getting those extractions when you are scared of blood and needles,

For reassuring me that we are together in this challenge,

Thank you so much, I love you to the moon and back.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 52: APAS Philippines

People are quick to judge. Some people linger and celebrate someone's sufferings. But these are few; most would pray and comfort and support you in times of need. That is why I still believe in the goodness of man.

I have been mulling over putting up this blog because I was afraid that people would be quick to judge. However, I was overwhelmed by my own need to let people know about this syndrome. It is not easy to be afflicted with APA Syndrome. Even worse, there are not much references that you can find. I found information in forums, in some other blogs of APAS moms and through it all, there is this wanting to share -- share the joys, the pains of undergoing the journey. To gather the whole community to pray for and with them because time and again, prayers lifted to the heavens work.

So here it is -- my own APAS journey before your eyes. I ask nothing but your prayers. Visit www.pricksandneedles.com if you want to know more.

I am forever grateful to the APAS groups I am part of, whose members continually share and guide all of us who are still new in this journey. God bless you all!

xx,
Corporate Junkie

Day 50: A New Website

I have been pondering for several days now on how I will be able to cope with my diagnosed condition. It is not deadly, yes, but it afflicts 10% of Filipinos and for this percentage of occurence, it is alarmingly high.

I will be launching this new website very soon for the following reasons:

1. To give information to those who may be experiencing the same hardships; and

2. To share and be a support system to those who need it

I have been working in some advocacies for a time now and I feel that this is my personal advocacy now. I have seen how many non-profit organizations strive to spread awareness on the different conditions like Down Syndrome (this month is National Down Syndrome Awareness Month by the way), autism, visual impairment and the like.

Awareness is key. A support system is vital.

I know that I am just one person to forward this cause. But I do not have big dreams for it. Just one simple yearning -- to be able to inform and share, in a prayerful hope that somewhere, someone can benefit from it.

Will keep you all posted.

xx,

Corporate Junkie

Day 47: Providence

"Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer." - Padre Pio

I have witnessed a personal miracle once in my life at the intervention of my Saints, Padre Pio and Sta. Rita of Cascia.

I came to know St. Rita because she was our patron saint when I was in my senior year in secondary school. Because of my failing memory, I could not remember her history. Padre Pio, I have heard from a friend.

Doing my little research, it is astounding to see a commonality between my two saints -- both bore the external sign of stigmatization and are incorruptible. St. Rita is known to be the saint of lost and impossible causes (together with St. Jude), sickness, wounds, marital problems, abuse and mothers. Padre Pio is known for his intercessions but mostly for miracles on healing. People who have gone to visit his Shrine near Eastwood would know this as they have posted many testimonials on the healing intercessions of Padre Pio.

Earlier this year, God answered my prayer in the most unconventional way. I have learned my lessons the hard way. It was a vindictive realization - to put Him always at the center of everything, center of my self, center of my marriage.

Along the way, here I am again, slipping from my faith. I still say my prayers but my devotion has slacked a little. I have made promises I cannot keep and I feel terrible remorse for that. Today, God has freed me from my guilt.

I asked for a tall request from the husband. He is not a religious person but he has made great strides for me. We now go to Church regularly, we say our prayers before meals. We usually just go to the nearby Church however, I asked him today if we could go to the Shrine of Padre Pio, to which he readily agreed.

As we were ushered into the Church, we were directed to sit at a certain area since there were very few empty spaces left. I am quite sure that it was a sign, a Divine Providence, because we were seated on the part where all the testimonials for answered prayers were posted. It was overwhelming since out of the hundreds of testimonials scattered all over the Church, we were stationed at that part where a couple was expressing their gratitude for their baby. A baby who was given to them by God, despite having APAS. Coincidence? Maybe. Providential? I believe so.

I brace myself for what is in front of me. Despite the challenging times ahead, I am filled with hope -- as long as my husband is there, my family and friends are there in every step of the way. And of course, our God.

As Padre Pio said, "Pray, hope and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer." Amen? Amen!

Lots of love and prayers,
Corporate Junkie