“Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls...are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.” - James Patterson, Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas
My career defined me. That is exactly the reason why my blog was named as such -- because I lived for and loved my work. And probably a little too much.
Quitting a job that I loved beyond belief was one of the hardest decisions in my life. I loved what I do. I loved Canon... I still do. A younger version of me would have never thought of ever stopping to be the corporate junkie. But an older version of me would have scolded me if I chose to stay.
It has been exactly nine days that I am officially unemployed. The first time that my life is rushing out of its tracks, out of its planned route. In fact, there is no plan and this is something that scares me the most because I have always been a planner. I want detailed descriptions of where I am headed, minute and insignificant details included.
Now, there is nothing. No itinerary for the day, no meetings, no pressure to accomplish anything. I am just required to relax. Funny thing is, I feel even more stressed because there is no stress around me. Of course, that will sound ridiculous to all of you who are braving the horrendous traffic situation lately just going to work or the irrational deadlines and projects that your boss would want you to start but please bear with me. I am not being moronic. But not everyone would want to be out of work. Not everyone. Especially not me.
I have never been this idle my whole life. I always basked in the pressure of deadlines, of seemingly insurmountable projects, of conversing and interacting with people. Here, now, I think I am at the opposite pole of my prior existence.
Of course, I have all the time in the world now to blog, or to fix the house or to read my books; I should be happy but somehow, it is not as attractive as compared to the time that it was just a pastime. Sigh. It is so hard to explain and I know that I am not making any sense at all.
But yes, there is a higher purpose to all this. I remind and console myself with the thought that this is what I need to do in the meantime. To slow down. To be healthy. To prepare for something (or someone) that me and Edzel have been wanting all this time -- a little bundle of joy.
Many of my friends have told me that it will all be worth it. Just day-dreaming about it (of course, since I got nothing else to do, hehe) makes it so fulfilling.
I could not wait.
So to you, Ms. Corporate Junkie, please shut yourself inside your room (in the meantime) and be happy that you can get a full year of rest.
xx,
Balot
